Gold Dust

chapter one: breaking up is hard

I’m done, Robert,” Neil sighed, running his fingers through his short chocolate brown hair. “I can’t – I just can’t do this anymore.”

I glanced down at the floor, fumbling with my fingers. I dropped onto the couch, unable to process what was happening. What did he mean he couldn’t do this anymore? Were we breaking up? Had I done something wrong? I couldn’t have possibly done anything wrong. I just came home from work.

“Wh-What? I – Where is this coming from Neil?” I asked with uncertainty. Neil rolled his eyes at me, sighing deeply. I hated when he did that.

“Robert, I’m not happy,” Neil said trying to explain as he shoved his clothes into his suitcase. “I’m bored to be honest. My life has become a living routine and I can’t take it.”

We’ve been together for twelve years. Twelve whole years and he’s leaving because he’s bored. I was in shock. This was the first time I had heard any of this. You think if he was so unhappy, he would have told me something sooner, before he decided he was just going to hit the road. He must have been planning this for quite some time now because he packed surprisingly fast.

“Neil? Baby,” I began. “I love you. You can’t – You can’t just leave! If you’re bored, I can change. We can do things. We can mix-up the routine. Just don’t leave, Neil.”

I wrapped my arms around him, leaning into kiss him, but he pushed me away. He jerked his hand away from me, as he zipped his suitcase up; wherein he pushed it into the pile he had accumulated. I grabbed his suitcases and started pulling the clothes out of it. Neil rolled his eyes as he grabbed what he had left, and started packing it into the car. He was determined to leave. No matter how many times I told him I loved him and that I wanted him to stay, he didn’t care. He shoved what he could into the back of his Subaru, without a second thought.

“Neil, we’ve been together twelve years,” I said in my final plea. “Twelve years? If that meant anything to you, you’d tell me why you’re leaving. Are you having some sort of midlife crisis? We can work through this. Just don’t get up and leave. Neil, I – “

“Robert, I slept with someone else,” Neil interjected. “I went to a bar, picked up a guy, and we had sex. It was incredible.”

“Which part? Going to the bar? Or having sex?” I asked my hands on my hips. “Because we can go to the bar. If you want to spice our bedroom up, we can do that too. I mean I’m willing to work with you.”

“Robert, I don’t want to stay with you,” Neil said slamming his trunk shut. “To be honest, you’re boring. You’re too nice and you smother me. Don’t get me wrong, Robert, You’re a good guy. Any guy would be lucky to have you. But I just don’t feel the spark anymore. I want excitement, Robert. You’re not that exciting.”

Having said that Neil hopped into his car and sped away, leaving me all alone in my loft apartment. I couldn’t believe that had just happened. I thought everything was fine between us. He never looked the least bit unhappy. I would have seen it. I would have known. I know Neil better than any other guy. How could he just go like that? He didn’t even want to try to work it out.

That entire week, I attempted to call Neil. He didn’t answer once. I left him voice messages, text messages, emails – not even a hello. Neil had left and he wasn’t coming back.

“Twelve years? I just don’t get it, Vivian,” I said resting my hands in my lap. “He said I smother him. He said I was too nice. I don’t understand.”

“Men are stupid sometimes,” Vivian replied grabbing my hand. “You deserve someone better Neil. I mean Neil’s a nice guy, Rob, but he cheated on you. He hasn’t answered any of your calls. You should just give him some space and play the field a bit.”