Gold Dust

chapter six: hawaii

Antonio, just as he promised, brought me to Hawaii. Everything he promised was there – the hotel, the massages, scuba diving. It was perfect. It was almost too good to be true. Ricardo was supposed to be on the trip with us, but he was almost never around, which definitely had me questioning Antonio’s motives for this trip. Was this just a vacation or was it about something more?

During our couple’s massage, I brought Ricardo up casually.

“So, I haven’t seen Ricardo in a while,” I commented, as the masseuse dug his smooth hands into my back. I glanced over at Antonio, his head still flat against the table. He shifted a little as soon as I brought up his name.

“I gave him two days off,” Antonio replied swiftly. “He’s probably out at some bar, sipping on a coconut and watching the uh – hula dancers.”

“Oh that’s nice of you,” I said not really sure if I completely believed Antonio. He said he wanted a bodyguard around because he felt safer, yet he gives him a day or two off. It just didn’t make sense to me. But I didn’t tell him that. I couldn’t. Every time I accused Antonio of lying to me, he would always say the same thing about him doing it to protect me or he didn’t want me to get involved. I was tired of being kept in the dark and with Antonio I really didn’t know what to believe with him. It was like he was two different people sometimes. He acted one way in front of me, and another when he was doing business. I wasn’t sure which one was the real Antonio?

That evening, after dinner, when Antonio and I had made it back to the hotel room, he received a phone call.

“I’ll be just a minute,” Antonio said walking out onto the balcony and sliding the door close behind him. I sat on the couch, pretending like I was watching TV, but I was actually watching him. He didn’t seem too happy on the phone. It had to be business. I glanced back at the TV, as soon as the balcony door closed shut behind him.

“It was the Massage Parlor,” he sighed. “Apparently I didn’t pay for the facial massages and there was a mix-up in the bill. I have to go take care of it.”

“Want me to go with you?” I asked standing up.

“No! No! It’s fine! Stay here and relax,” Antonio said shaking his head. “I’ll take care of it. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Ok,” I nodded as he walked out the hotel room door. I sighed leaning back into the couch, as the door slammed close behind him. A part of me wanted to follow Antonio, but I didn’t. He would know. He always seemed to know things. Plus if he was doing business it would be dangerous if I went. I chewed on my lower lip, as I heard a phone buzz. Antonio must have forgotten his phone.  I grabbed it from off of the counter, opening it to find he had a few new text messages. I flicked through them, my eyes catching one message in particular.

Found the Fifty Thousand. Jorge bought a house with it. I took care of it though. Son of a bitch got what was coming for him.

I dropped the phone onto the counter. The fifty thousand? Jorge? That was the man who had lost it. That was the one Ricardo had dragged off. A lump formed in my throat as I sat down on the couch. Antonio had blatantly lied to me. He had killed him. That message was pretty clear. I jumped up, walking into Antonio’s closet and dug through his stuff. I shifted his clothes around in his suitcase, opening all of the compartments. I felt my hand around until I found a secret compartment within one of them. I unzipped it to find a handgun, along with a wad of cash.

Everything was starting to get a little bit clearer. We weren’t just here for vacation. Antonio wouldn’t bring a gun to fucking Hawaii if it were. I shoved his bag back into his closet angrily, slamming the door shut behind me. God, I’m so fucking stupid. I was stupid to believe him.

“I’m back,” Antonio’s voice echoed. “I told you it wouldn’t take long. Robert, where are you?”

I chewed on my lower lip, as I sat on top of our bed, folding my arms tightly across my chest. Antonio walked inside not before long, his eyes on mine. He placed his hands on my shoulders, leaning into kiss me, but I turned my head away from him.

“Playing hard to get, are we?” Antonio asked trailing his fingers down my chest, as he unbuttoned my shirt. I grabbed his hands, stopping him.

“Antonio don’t!” I said finally. “You lied to me.”

“Here we go again,” Antonio sighed. “What’s wrong? What have I done now? I said I’d be back quickly and I’m back.”

“Jorge,” I muttered. “You killed him. That was his name right, Jorge, the one you said you roughed up.”

Antonio ran his fingers through his hair, tracing his tongue across his teeth. I’m sure he was trying to come up with another lie to tell me, but he couldn’t think fast enough. Before he could say something else, I continued.

“And we’re not here on vacation, are we? I found the gun in your suitcase Antonio,” I commented. “This trip is all about business. I feel like I don’t even know you. Everything you say is a lie. Why do you keep lying to me? Huh? Antonio, Answer me.”

Antonio didn’t say anything for a moment, sighing deeply to himself.

“Antonio,” I said again.

“I’ve done some business while I’ve been here, but it’s not all about that,” Antonio argued. “I wanted leisure too. If I just wanted to do just business, I wouldn’t have brought you along. That’s why Ricardo came. He took care of everything. I haven’t left your side but that once! Doesn’t that count for anything!”

“God! I knew it! I knew it! You should have just been honest in the first place! God, are you smuggling things back to the US? Oh my god,” I said starting to freak out a little bit.

“Do you think I’m that dumb?” Antonio huffed.

“What about Jorge? Huh? You didn’t even answer my question? You killed a man, Antonio! And you lied! You lied to me! I read the message on your phone! You told me you wouldn’t do anything like that! I don’t even fucking know what to believe with you!” I said raising my voice a little. “I don’t even know if I know the real you! You’re like two different people sometimes!”

“You went through my phone while I was gone?” Antonio said, raising his voice at me.

“I only did it because you lie so much,” I said folding my arms across my chest.

“Why won’t you just leave everything alone? Huh? Robert? You said you didn’t want be a part of anything, so you’re not,” Antonio said angrily. “Do you honestly want the truth? I’ll tell you the truth. Truth is Jorge is dead and he isn’t the first I’ve killed. Since you want to know everything, how about I tell you how many people I’ve killed? How much blood is on my hands? Is that what you want to know! Huh! Robert! How many families I’ve broken apart? How many men I’ve shot?”

“I – You don’t have to –“ I began but was cut off by him.

“You want to know! You said I lie to you! So I’m telling you! You wanted the fucking truth! Well here it is!” Antonio interrupted, raising his voice at me. I tried to walk away but he grabbed me by my wrist and shoved me onto the bed. I stayed on the bed, frozen in place, alarmed by how angry he had gotten in such a short span of time. I stared at the wall, unable to look into his eyes. Antonio climbed on top of me, grabbing my face roughly, so I was looking into his eyes. A tear or two escaped from the corner of my eyes, and Antonio’s face softened. He let go of me, clearing his throat.

“Listen to me, Robert,” he said lowering his voice now that he could see how scared I was. “You know what forget it. I – I’m sorry. I – I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry. Forgive me.”

I swallowed hard, rolling from underneath him, as I wiped the tears from my eyes. Antonio just watched as I walked into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. I stripped my clothes off and sat in the bathtub, letting the hot water run over my body.

I shouldn’t have questioned him like that. I shouldn’t have called him a liar. He had every right to be mad. I asked him not to include me in his business. He was right. Maybe I was better off being lied to. Some things were better left unsaid.