Never Looking Back

Loss

(TRIGGER WARNING: Stillbirth)

Sherman and I are currently on the way to the hospital. Something is wrong with the baby, and nobody knows what's happening. The cramps are coming more intensely, and I am in extreme amounts of pain. "Alyssa, babe, we're almost at the hospital. It won't be too much longer," Sherman says. All I do is throw my head back and scream out in pain. Sherman says "Alyssa, honey, you'll be okay. Everything will be fine, babe." Then, we arrive at the hospital. After the car is parked, Herman appears, rushing over to my side of the car. Herman opens the car door, and he says "Jimmy is getting you a wheelchair, Alyssa. Please don't worry, sweetheart. Everything will all be fine." I weakly manage to get myself into the wheelchair. This fucking hurts. I'm in a hell of a lot of pain.

A short time later, I'm in a room in the ER, laying on a hospital bed. Along with an intern, a nurse walks into the room. The nurse says "I'm Marin Aster, and this is my intern, Billy Lobrano." I turn my head and notice Billy, who's standing next to the nurse. "Alyssa, oh my god! What's happening?" Billy asks, and I notice the shocked expression on his face. Sherman replies "Something's happening to the baby, and neither of us know what's happening!" At that moment, I scream out, still in immense amounts of pain. Suddenly, Dr. Kasal appears in the room. She says "Marin, Billy! Let's get Alyssa up to the sixth floor and get her in a delivery room, stat!" I want everything to be okay. However, I feel as if everything won't be okay.

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(Sherman's P.O.V)

A short time later, the other three members of the Teenagers and I are in a small waiting room on the sixth floor, awaiting news about Alyssa. "God, Sherman, I feel so worried. I feel like something is going horridly awry," Joe says. Sighing, I respond "I'd have to agree. It feels like something has gone awry, and it sucks." Please God, let Alyssa and the baby be okay.

Nearly an hour later, the other members of the Teenagers and I are still in that small waiting room, still awaiting news about Alyssa. Jimmy and Herman are both asleep in chairs, and Joe and I are just talking to each other. "It's been nearly an hour. Something bad must've happened," Joe says. I sigh and respond "Hopefully everything is okay. Maybe these cramps were just really bad contractions." Joe nods his head and says "Let's hope that's the case." Then, I lean back, saying "Soon, I'll be able to hold my daughter and see her and Alyssa. I can't wait, Joe. I'm so excited about seeing my daughter for the first time. She'll be so beautiful, Joe." Grinning, Joe responds "I know, Sherman. Lily is gonna be so beauti-" Suddenly, Billy opens the door and walks into the small waiting room. He closes the door behind him, and then, Herman and Jimmy wake up. "So, Billy, what is it?" I ask. Then, Billy replies, "Alyssa is doing fine." "What about my daughter? How is she?" I ask, feeling slightly frustrated. Billy then says the words I didn't wanna hear: "Your daughter didn't make it. It was a stillbirth. I'm so sorry, Sherman."

I sit down in the chair and put my head in my hands. Joe pats my shoulder and says "Sherman, man. I'm so fucking sorry." Sadly, I look up, sighing. Then, I start crying, and I ask "Billy, can I please go see Alyssa? I need some time to talk to her." Simply, Billy nods, and he replies "I'll show you to her room, Sherman." I get up, look at the others, and say "I'll be back soon, you guys." Then, Billy and I begin to make our way towards Alyssa's room. I can't believe this happened.

A minute or so later, I walk into Alyssa's hospital room, and Billy closes the door. Alyssa looks at me and says "Come over here, Sherman." Slowly, I walk towards Alyssa, and she says "She's gone, Sherman. Our daughter is gone. I feel like I wasted seven months of my life," and sits up. I wrap my arms around Alyssa and respond "You didn't waste those seven months, babe. Things happen for a reason." "I know. Do you still love me, though?" Alyssa asks. Smiling, I press my forehead against Alyssa's and reply "Alyssa Houlton, I love you so much. We'll be here for each other during this tough time, okay? I just want you to know that I will always love you, Alyssa." Grinning, Alyssa responds "Thanks, Shermie. I just need some love. I'm still so shocked and saddened because our daughter didn't make it." "So am I, darling. But I'll be here for you during this troubling time." Alyssa nods, and she says "Sherman, thanks for loving me." Today was quite a sad day. I'm gonna be here for Alyssa during this tough time in our lives.