Back to Me

The Aftermath

"But you did, Toby. You knew what you were saying and you knew exactly how much it would hurt. But you said it anyway!" Spencer cried and I saw tears start to fall down her cheeks.

"Spencer, I'm..." I started to apologize again when the honk of a car horn interrupted.

"Save it, Toby. Jason's waiting." She stated coldly.

She went into the house and loudly slammed the door in my face.

To be honest, I didn't care if Jason waited until next Christmas. I didn't want to leave things like this. I wanted to fix things, but I realized that now wasn't the time. Spencer was stubborn and we both needed to time cool down before we tried to talk this out. That way I didn't say something else to hurt her in the heat of the moment just because I was angry.

Jason honked the horn again and I slowly started to make my way towards his car.

"What was that about? I could hear the door slam from here." Jason asked as soon as I got in the car.

"I stuck my foot in my mouth." I sighed in frustration.

I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to say that to her. I couldn't even remember what had started the argument. All I could think about was that one sentence. I had told her so many times that I could never hate her or blame for that, that she wasn't responsible for it. But just now I had pretty much said that I did blame her.

"Yeah well, I stick my foot in my mouth all the time. But she's only done that a handful of times. What happened? You two were happy couple on the ride here."

"We were talking and she told something that she hadn't before. I don't know why but I got a little mad. Things escalated really fast and we both yelled at each other. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have, and one thing that was way worse than all the rest combined."

"What could you have said that was that bad?" He joked trying to make me feel better. But he didn't know the half of it.

"I can't say it again, and I shouldn't have said it in the first place." I shook my head.

"You don't have to tell me, and actually, I'm not sure if I want to know. I like you too much to beat you up. But you seem like you feel pretty bad about it. I'm sure you and Spencer can sort things out once she's calmed down a bit. We both know how stubborn she is."

"She is stubborn, but I can't exactly blame her if she stayed mad at me. I'm the one that started it and the one that said the unforgivable."

I knew how much it bothered her that she hadn't stopped Alison that night. Usually I tried to comfort her and tell her that she did the right thing. But tonight I threw it in her face and she thought I hated her like Jenna did because of it. For the year I was gone she had been worried that I would hate her and in her mind I probably just confirmed her biggest fear. And I hated myself for it.

/

The next morning I slept in late since I didn't have a job to work on today. All morning I debated going to see Spencer during lunch but I decided against in the end. I didn't want to approach her too soon in case she wanted space and school wasn't the place to have that conversation anyway.

I was in the basement trying to work on a project when I heard a loud pounding at the front door. I had been working on it for weeks and I was nearly finished. And with the recent fight between Spence and me, I had more incentive to finish it. I was hoping maybe it could be a peace offering of sorts if we made up.

I stopped what I was doing and went upstairs to answer the door.

"Hanna!? Wha...what are you doing here?"