Tender Kisses and Gentle Hearts

chapter 2- Break Hearts or Be Heartbroken

Chapter 2- Break Hearts or Be Heart Broken

"Okay class, turn to page 498. You will be reading until page 510 and will be answering the 30 questions about the reading. No talking whatsoever and you may begin." Mrs. Armstrong, our history teacher, announces as the class groans. She shushes them.

I take out my textbook and begin reading. It is hard to concentrate on anything right now. The words are becoming illegible, floating around in the paper. I squint my eyes, trying to read but I can't. My breathing becomes ragged and I can hear the sound of my heart pounding heavily against my chest.

I raise my hand and the teacher calls on me.

"May I please be excused to go to the bathroom?" I manage to ask.

The teacher nods and I rush out of the classroom. I run down the hall over to the girl's bathroom. I push open the door and walk to one of the stalls, locking the door behind me. I fall down to my knees and I feel the bile rise from my stomach to my throat as I let it out.

I stay there for a long time with my back against the door. I had already flushed down the toilet. I was still shaking and crying. It has been a really long time since I have had a panic attack. They came at the most unusual times, without a specific reason.

I then hear the bathroom door open and my heart just pounds faster. There is no way I can stop shaking and crying but I try to be quiet about it. I hear high heels clicking and then they stop.

"Look, I know I promised to get her to you before Friday. I am sorry, okay? She's just too nice." The girl sighs.

"Yeah, yeah I know. The deal isn't off. Look, I will get her just give me more time." I hear her sigh once again. "Another month please."

She stays silent for a minute. "Thank you so much. I promise I will have her by next month. I won't disappoint you." She hangs up and then I hear the door shut.

My mind begins wandering. What is this girl talking about? Her voice sounded awfully familiar; something that terrified me completely. I could sense my panic coming once again. I run my fingers through my hair as a few more tears come down.

I ring the doorbell and shift my weight from one foot to the other. The door suddenly opens

It has been a while since I last saw her, but I didn't expect her to look this different. Her hair is now longer and it is left in a curly mess. Her dark brown eyes seem to be darker since the last time I saw her. She had no makeup on so I could see all of the freckles sprawled all over her nose and cheeks. There were also bags under her eyes. She looked terrible. The last time I had seen her look this bad it was when I woke up from my coma.

"Amy." She breathed out. "I wasn't expecting you."

I wrap my arms around myself, the air suddenly seeming colder than before. "Well, here I am. You obviously need someone right now and I care about you so I'm here."

She smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Thank you." Annie motions over to the inside of her house. "Come on in. I can make you some black coffee if you want and we could have a chat, if that's what you wish for."

I smile gratefully as I step inside. "Yeah, I'd like that."

She shuts the door behind me and guides me to the living room. It has bits of Levi and Annie scattered all over the house. After they graduated high school, Levi proposed to Annie but Annie wanted to finish college first so he gave her a promise ring and an offer to live with him. They were now living in a small house in New York.

Annie stopped walking and motioned to the couch. "You can sit there, make yourself at home while I make the coffee." She then leaves me alone to my thoughts.

I walk over to the chocolate brown couch and cross my right leg over my left one. I grab a piece of my short hair and begin twirling it around my finger. I hadn't known why I had this sudden urge to come to Annie. As school finished and I hopped into my car I just drove. And suddenly I was here.

Some minutes later, Annie comes in with two mugs of steaming coffee and chocolate chip cookies. She sets them down on the pure white table. She sits down on another couch, facing me and grabs her mug. I reach over to grab mine, in hopes the steamy liquid can melt the ice in my veins.

"So how's life?" She asks then.

I look over at her she's not looking at me. She's looking at the painting that is behind me. "It's been okay." I sigh. "Not quite alright but not bad either."

Annie stays silent for a moment before answering. "You know, when you left Luca he was devastated. I kept him from coming to you a million times until he finally gave up. I think he realized that he needed to move on as much as you did too. He went through a bad stage in life." She bites her lip. "He would sleep with every girl he laid eyes on. Levi and I would tell him that that was not the right way to forget about you, but it was his way of coping. Your way was to leave, his was to sleep around."

I stay in silence and look down at my coffee. It hurt to hear all of this.

"Why are you telling me this, Annie?" I shake my head, sadly. "I just did what was best for me, for him."

"You broke him, Amy." Annie says sadly. "Why?"

I sigh. "I don't exactly know why, Annie." I look over to the window that is on the far right of the room. "I just couldn't take it anymore. It was all too much. I had a feeling he was going to hurt me."

"And leaving was your best option?" She asks.

I shake my head, wanting to deny it but no words came out. After a long time of silence, I finally answer her. "Maybe not. It was just an instinct, an involuntary movement. You know how when you see a bird on the street and you begin to chase them, what do they do? They run or fly away. They think you're going to hurt them because all they have known in their life is that humans hurt them." I look over to Annie who is watching me intently. "I left because all I have known in life is heartbreak and when I see one coming I just fly away."