Tender Kisses and Gentle Hearts

chapter 7-Moving On

"I couldn't see you when you were here and now that you're gone, I see you everywhere."

- Orange is the New Black

chapter 7-Moving On

Amy

I started visiting Levi more and more. Exams were approaching and he always helped me study. He used to be at the top of his class back in high school, and even in college he got the best of grades. I just wanted this all to be over once and for all. And after finals were over I ended up wishing otherwise.

"So, this was your last one?" Levi asked me one afternoon after my physics exam. "You're free now?"

I laughed, but it came out strained. "Yeah, I'm free now."

"Great," he said with a smile. "so want to tell me what's wrong now?"

"Something's always wrong, isn't it?" I shake my head. "It's just Luca."

"I'm sorry I'm not Annie, I bet I could help you more if I were." He opened a package of fruits I got him from the store. "But I'm not a girl, so you just have to deal with my advice. My boyish advice."

"And what's your advice?" I asked curiously.

"Go out more. Enjoy life. Stop wasting time on tears, on over-thinking. It will lead you to nothing." He popped a grape into his mouth. "He's moving on, so should you."

I averted my gaze and sighed. "Yeah, I should. I should."

But deep down, I knew that it would be a long time before I ever went out again.

Or so I thought.

"You're so boring," Scarlett exclaimed one day, out of the blue. It was the second day of summer vacation and we were both sitting on opposite ends of the room. She was looking through her magazine and I was reading. "Like, you never drink, you probably have never kissed a guy, you have no social life."

I sighed and put my book down. "I have kissed a guy and I have drunk before."

"Well," She said taking out her mint gum from her pocket. "that's a surprise. You should really be more social, like in college. How long has it been since you've last kissed a guy?"

"I don't know," I mumbled under my breath. "But what does that have to do with anything? I came here to study, not to hook up with every guy I see."

"Yeah, but see, college is much more bearable when you party and have fun." She popped a gum into her mouth and started chewing. "You could, like, come to the big 'we're seniors now' party. It's tomorrow at ten pm."

I wrinkled my nose. "I'm not sure."

"Come on, you can even bring your lame friend, the one you always call." Scarlett put on a thoughtful expression. "What was her name? Wendy? Abigail? Arnie?"

"Annie." I replied firmly. "And she's not lame."

She waved me off. "Whatever. Bring her. I'll even do both of you a favor and give you a ride."

"Why? We're not even friends, you and me."

Scarlett gave me a wicked grin. "We're roommates, practically sisters. Now, come on, I'll help you pick out something for tomorrow."

"I'm not going." Annie said crossing her arms.

"Come on, Annie." I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "Please do this, for me?"

She uncrossed her arms and took a sip of her coffee, looking around my dorm's common room.

"Why do you even want to go to this thing?" She rose an eyebrow. "Aren't you like an anti-party person?"

"Yeah, but I just need the distraction, you know?" I shrugged. "I doubt Parker is still lurking around waiting for me to finally go out so he could kill me."

Speaking of Parker, I had heard nothing from him in the last couple of weeks. It was both scary and relieving. I knew that I had to tell someone soon, before he stroke. I just couldn't get myself to do it. Every time I tried telling someone, I would just choke on my words and change the subject.

"Oh, but Amy, you know what I mean." She sighed. "This is dangerous to us both."

"Just this once, Annie." I gave her a small smile. "Please?"

She sighed again. "Okay, fine, whatever."

I gave her a wide grin.

"Besides, what could go wrong?"

"I wish you wouldn't have said that," Annie said with a small smile, picking up her coffee again, "Something is destined to happen now that you did."

The dorm was quiet. Scarlett had left, claiming she had something very important to do. I hated to admit it, but I missed having her here. Or company in general. At times like these, when no one was around, was when my feelings came out to play. And I hated them. They made me weak and fragile. And I hated it.

It was also times like these when I began thinking. I thought back to everything that had happened. Deep inside, I knew it was stupid for still thinking about Luca. He had moved on. I needed to, too. I laughed dryly. I couldn't even love him. We knew each other for like, what? Three months? I didn't know he liked painting or that his favorite color is brown. I don't know what his favorite movie is or what he thinks about when he's alone. I couldn't love him. I didn't know him. I can't love him. I don't know him.

There was also something weird about Eleonora. She gave me bad vibes. I shook it off, thinking it was just jealousy, but then I thought back to how I wasn't jealous when he chose Olivia over me. I was actually happy for him, if he was happy so was I. And if I couldn't be the cause of his happiness, then I would let someone else be. Even if it took breaking my own heart in the process.

I pulled up my covers and tried to sleep. I tried counting sheep but failed miserably. During the day, I had been longing for sleep. For an escape. But now, that I had to force myself into it, it just wasn't happening.

I sat up and yawned.

Reaching for my phone, that was at the edge of my bedside table, I took it and turned it on. I grabbed my headphones and connected them to my phone, putting them in my ears. I then turned on the song I hadn't played in a very long time and closed my eyes. I let myself fall asleep with the words softly whispering in my ear.

She's the girl that no one ever knows.

And I say hi, but she's too shy to say hello.

She's just waiting for that one to take her hand

And shake her up.

I bet I could.

I wish my heart was always on her mind.

Oh, Luca. Your heart is always on my mind, now, I thought, it's just mine isn't in yours anymore.