3A.M Confession

Lost

I knew a boy once. A boy whose smile never left his face and whose manners never flew away. Nathan, his name was. Nathan. Such a beautiful name that just purrs off the tongue. Brown hair, green eyes, oh he was handsome. You'd think that, anyway, just from looking at him.

But if you looked closely, I mean really looked, you'd see why he was in a mental institution. You'd see the pain flickering behind his eyes, dark and powerful, until you couldn't look anymore and had to force your gaze away. And when Nathan smiled, you could see the strain in his facade. Black pain, deep and permanent. No one could ever erase it or what happened.

Some people wonder why he never spoke after he killed his parents. Well, he didn't really kill them on purpose, but they were collateral damage. He started a fire. Really, fires are very impractical, but I suppose he wasn't thinking right. After all, that's why he was here, right? Anyway, Nathan was actually trying to kill his boyfriend. Yes, the same boyfriend that broke his heart. Did I say broke? I meant tore apart and stomped on. Shattered and crushed. Ripped and burned. But he stayed silent. People wonder. They don't know the answer. But I know why. Let's say I understand him, because honestly, I tried to hurt people too. I tried to kill and harm and torture. Actually, trying to flay someone is very hard indeed. Especially if they're alive and kicking. But enough about me.

Nathan, poor, misunderstood Nathan, was only ever sad, with a tendency to cry whenever he was alone. That same pain overpowered him one day, and the perfect boy with the perfect smile and the perfect eyes and the haunted past hung himself on July 22nd with the rope he had been saving up.

Another thing? His boyfriend didn't die in that fire. His parents did, but never his boyfriend. No. And on that same July 22nd, who other than that very same boyfriend, Jules, was waiting in the other room to speak to Nathan, to apologize and try and make Nathan forgive him.

Funny, because the only thing Nathan ever told me was that he would be okay if his boyfriend came back and forgave him.

Oh, the tragedy.

But I must go. I've got an appointment with my psychiatrist soon. Poor Nathan. This institution for the criminally insane really did break him.