3A.M Confession

From the mouth of babes

Since a young age, I have always found myself to be different and some would say straight out odd. Though around the age of seven I began to see things I couldn't understand. I just knew that I was having a lot of what most people call deja vu.

Seeing that my parents normally didn't believe me and instead chopped it up to me being and overly anxious child with a vivid imagination, I started writing them down in my journal and hiding it. In the process of moving recently I found my journal and, after spending hours attempting to read juvenile handwriting, was reminded of things that occurred.

June 6, 1997 (7 years old)

I saw my dad's friend Ricky behind his stand on the church stage and heard a man's voice tell him that he will pay for his sins. Then I smelled what smells like my piggy bank when it's full of change. I told my momma but she said to keep my mouth shut or I would be in trouble, I already feel trouble in my stomach why won't my momma listen to me? (End of entry)

Later that night we did indeed go to that church service sitting in our normal seat second bench from the front. I was so scared I was shaking and forcing myself to hold back my tears because it was all playing out as I had saw earlier. Except for the man. I was starting to feel a bit of relief until the back door opened and a tall man in a long leather jacket came in halfway through the service, sitting on the bench in front of us. I looked up at my mother, tears streaming down my face, and whispered to her, begging to leave for her to reply "Hush and dry your face were perfectly fine."

The service continued until Ricky asked if anyone needed prayer, to which the man in front of us stood up and stepped onto the stage. "You know, Pastor, I think you need prayer." A little thrown off Ricky stepped forward and agreed to let the man pray for him. He told Ricky to repeat after him and began the prayer of salvation. Ricky looked up at the man slightly offended and confused and said, "While I appreciate your gesture I have been redeemed." The man became angry and put a gun to Ricky's chest. "You will pay for your sins one way or the other."

Thankfully someone in the church had a cell phone on them and called 911. Police got there before anyone was hurt too bad, nothing more than Ricky and the man getting into a fist fight as Ricky tried to get the gun from the man.

November 12, 2006 (16 years old)

I have a horrible feeling for my mother, I don't know what could happen but I know my mother is at work and everything within me says she don't need to go home. I know because of a huge argument we've had she hasn't spoken to me in three months. (I came out to both my parents about being bi-sexual.) It's way past my hour of phone privilege but I have to get a hold of her, something is bad wrong and all I can see is a blurry sight of her apartment and hear faint yelling but I can't make out what is being said. (End of entry)

I debated if I should take the chance of sneaking through my dad's room to get to the phone in the hall or just use my cell and sneak out my window that lead to the porch, deciding the porch was safer I quietly snuck out my window. I had to warn my mom, because no matter how hard I tried the feeling of urgency would not leave. I didn't even know if she would believe me or even answer my call but I had to try.

After calling her back to back four times she finally answered me. "This better be important, I'm on shift and were short nurses you got five minutes." I quickly told her that she didn't need to go home something really bad was going to happen. "After three months that's all you have to say to me? You don't even know what's going on in my life. How dare you!" I pleaded with her nonetheless and told her I just knew something bad is going to happen and asked her to please believe me, told her I loved her and she hung up.

I called my Nana and told her what was going on, knowing that's where my brother was and begged her to please not let my mom and brother go back there. She told me, oddly enough, that she had a bad feeling as well and she would talk to her when she got there. I apologized for calling so late and thanked her.

Surprisingly my mom listened to my Nana and stayed the night with her and my grandpa along with my brother. When she went home later that afternoon the apartment was completely trashed with broken beer bottles and furniture toppled over along with my brothers cat's corpse laying on the front step to their apartment. My stepdad had gone in a drunken rage, trashed the place and shot my brother's cat.

My mom called me a few days later and told me about what happened, asking how I knew. I told her about the feeling I had and what I saw and heard. She thanked me for calling her but said she wasn't ready to bring me back into her life and hung up.

July 8th, 2011 (21 years old)

I was living in Atlanta at the time and was going to head to a mall with a friend. While at her house getting ready, I saw the food court and heard a woman scream. I told my friend that we should just go to the movies instead, knowing there was a movie out she wanted to see and told her I would pay. Thankfully she agreed, while at work the next day my friend text me and asked if I heard about the stabbing that happened in the food court at the exact mall we were supposed to have gone to, and that she was really glad we went to the movies instead.

April 17th, 2013

I was pregnant with my daughter and had received the call from my obstetrician that I was going to be induced that night due to some complications. After calling my daughter's dad and letting him know, seeing that he had already left for work, called my mom. I was doing one last check to make sure everything was ready in the nursery for when I brought my daughter home. I was straightening out her crib bedding after laying out some diapers and a box of wipes when I saw myself in a hospital room and heard my doctor say "The baby's heart rate is dropping." Beyond terrified for my baby, I tried to push the image out of my mind. No matter what I had to stay positive, 15 hours into labor later my blood pressure shot up really high and it happened. We lost my daughters heartbeat two times and I was sent into have an emergency c-section. Later that night I held my healthy beautiful baby girl for the first time.

Some call it a premonition, others call it a spiritual red flag or intuition. Either way I am very thankful that I have this gift and I have learned to never ignore them.