Until Now

I'm Yours

     "Jack called you?"

      Logan didn't respond, instead just tapping his fingers against the counter as he waited for the toast. He was doing a really good job of avoiding the question. I knew that Tyler had probably gone home to tell his roommate about how he was worried about his drunk little sister alone in a bar, but he was probably respecting my wishes to be left alone and treated as an adult or too busy taking care of Hallie to come back for me.

     Jack was too nice, though. He cared about me, even after everything that had happened between us. I wasn't sure why he didn't come for me himself, but it made my heart hurt a little that he had thought to call Logan. I truly felt bad for the way things had worked out. I never meant to hurt him. 

      Logan pulled the toast from the toaster and set it on a plate before turning around and sliding it across the island toward me. I pulled it toward me, but I didn't start eating yet. I was just staring at Logan, who had turned his back to put more toast in for himself.

      "Logan?" I kept my voice soft. What he had said earlier still had affected me. 

      "Yeah?" He didn't turn to look at me.

       "I meant what I just said."

      "Which part?" he questioned, still messing with the toaster. 

      "I love you." 

      That got his attention. He turned to face me slowly, his eyes finding mine. 

      "Maisie..." Logan trailed off.

       "I do." I said firmly, "I love you."

       "I love you, too, Mace."

        I shook my head, sitting up a little taller. My head was pounding still. "I'm in love with you." 

        He didn't say anything. We stared at each other for a minute before he moved around the counter to cup my face in his hands. My heart was now pounding just as strong as my head was. He pulled me closer, and my eyes fluttered closed. It was that moment, with his thumb brushing the hair from my face, that I realized that this was everything I wanted. Maybe it hadn't always been, but my mind was made. I was ready for him to kiss me.

      I felt his lips brush against forehead, and I felt disappointment wash over me. It was such a sweet gesture, but it wasn't what I was expecting. It wasn't what I had wanted. 

      "Logan," I mumbled, looking up at him with big eyes. 

      "I can't do it, Maisie." He looked just as disappointed as I felt. "God, do I want to kiss you, but I just can't do it."

      I frowned as he pulled back, pushing hair from my face once more before moving back to take his toast out of the toaster. I understood. He had told me he was in love with me before, and I wasn't able to be with him. I couldn't even had began to imagine the pain he had felt. I hadn't really ever been rejected by someone I was in love with before. I'd always had guys following me around, messing with the girls and I. Now, though. Now, I knew exactly what he had felt. Tears were already forming in my eyes. I blinked them away quickly before he turned back around to sit and eat with me and asked me what was wrong.

      We ate in silence, though, which had made things even more awkward for me. Before he drove me home, though, I knew I had to talk to him about what was next for us. We settled on the couch, sitting on opposite sides with a pillow in between us. We had agreed we'd just hang out for a little longer. My head was still pounding. 

     Logan found a movie he had loved when he was younger that I had remembered watching only once or twice when I was little. I couldn't remember much of the plot, and if I had any say in how things were about to go, I didn't want to pay attention this time either. 

      "Logan." I had waited about 5 minutes into the movie before I began to speak. "I think we should talk about this."

      "Talk about what?" He acted oblivious, barely taking an interest in what I had to say. His eyes stayed focused on the movie in front of us.  

      "Us," I whispered.

      "What about us?" He still didn't look in my direction.

       "What happens now?" 

       "With what?"

        "Us."

       "There is no us, Maisie." 

        "Can't you at least look at me when I'm talking?" I barked, frustrated. 

        "No." He shook his head. I heard something different in his voice when he said it, though. 

         "Why?" I prompted. 

        "Because I can't look at you right now. It hurts too much."

        I turned to kneel facing him on the couch. I grabbed the pillow that rested between us and tossed it onto the floor. 

      "It doesn't have to hurt anymore," I whispered. He turned his head slowly, his eyes meeting mine. "It doesn't have to hurt."

       "Maisie, if we do this..." he started before trailing off. 

       "I want this. I want us." I was confident in my answer. 

        His hand reached out, his thumb brushing over my cheek once more. My heart was pounding again, and I was so nervous for what was to come next. 

         "C'mere." I scrambled up onto my knees, moving on all 4s closer to him before settling down beside him cross-legged. "No," he shook his head, "all the way."

        I smiled, leaning in closer to him to kiss him. Butterflies filled my stomach, and I couldn't help but pull back slightly to laugh against his lips. I was so happy. I rested my forehead against him, telling him again that I loved him. When he said it back, I repositioned myself to swing my leg over his body, straddling his lap as I kissed him. I had never kissed anyone with such passion or intensity before, even with all of the guys I'd been with before. This just felt different. 

        This was love. 

       "You know," Logan whispered, pulling back slightly, "I've never been distracted enough to miss a part of this movie before."

       "And now?" I teased. 

       "Now, I don't even care." 

        He kissed me again, but it was quicker this time. 

       "You want to watch the movie, don't you?" I laughed. 

       "Yeah," he admitted, "but I want to hold you while I watch it. I'm going to keep you around for a while, Maisie. It hurts like hell to lose you."

        He blushed, and I giggled at how cute he was. I settled against him, resting my head on his chest as our eyes focused on the television before us. 

       "You won't lose me," I promised. "I'm yours."