LOVE ME ... J.B

one

marie argent

❝Hey, this is Justin. I'm sorry I can't get to you right now, I'll uh— I'll call you back when I can.❞ I sighed frustratedly, feeling so drained and depressed whilst declining the call which went through to voicemail, for the eighth damned time today.

He just won't answer any of my calls, he was always too busy with work. I simply roll my eyes and pretend it doesn't affect me like it does.

My friends and family attempt to reassure me, they tell me it'll be okay, it's only because he's too embarrassed by the way he's been acting up recently. However, all the "acting up" is just gossip around the block.

I hate the fact I now believe the sneaky media, I can't believe it's come to this. My only source to Justin is the fucking media.

We rarely ever spoke within the time of his tour, at first we usually spoke to one another once or twice a week due to his crammed schedule and he'd sent me a gift or two from the incredible places he'd visit. However, the gifts weren't him. I could only hug a teddy bear so many times and pretend it's really him.
The lie doesn't last.

Sure, at first it all hurt my heart like a wildfire to the chest but after these months I've seemed to become accustomed to missing him. I've learnt to deal with it, to deal with the pain I feel deep inside.

Activating thing is, months have passed by and I can't sleep at night still. Justin is always in my dreams, constantly telling me he misses me, he misses us.
I know that it's my self confidence talking, reminding me of what I refuse to admit to my myself, friends and family. Hell— they rarely mention the name justin bieber around me now, he's like a red zone which is avoided like the plague.

I wake up at the same God damned time, it's exhausting having to wake up due to an awful nightmare, I usually had my Justin to calm my nerves down. With his help I would be asleep within minutes, without him it takes me hours.

Those dreams — they're all because I can't help but recall those few times we did speak, it would be through a phone or FaceTime but despite the lack of body contact,
those moments were so so perfect. We'd talk for hours without end and I usually fell asleep mid conversation just because I hadn't slept the night before.

It's difficult without the sleep though, because my life's much busier then it was once upon a time when life was chill and laid back. Damn they were the good ol' days.
Nothing is like it used to be anymore, the only people I continue to have in my hectic life is aunt Jenna, mum and Chloe.

I'm also relieved and a little surprised to be able to say I've changed myself in so many ways throughout this hard year. I've been told by mum that my confidence has improved majorly, I have less anxiety attacks and unbelievably, my modelling career has been booming!

I mean, it's quite daunting to sit down and think, well woah, everybody knows my name. Oh yeah and my face is on millions of magazines and billboards. Psh, no freaking biggie!

Thanks to my break from all distractions, I've had time to focus on my work, that being my modelling career and the fact I was signed by img modelling agency. I've grown a hell of a lot closer to Kendall Jenner all thanks to our modelling work. It's funny, we seem to just click, she's a great girl and we're forever together causing trouble behind the runway curtains.