Him: Hey
Me: what's up?
Him : surprises you texts tbh
Me: why?
Him: is this going to turn out to be some shitty elaborate joke?
Me: no... Seriously :( why would you think that??
Him: Well the people you hang around with literally go out of their way to treat me like a piece of shit...
Me: I don't actually hang around with them though...
Him: Lilly, you sit with them at at lunch and you're a cheerleader and you go out of your way to seem like you fit in with them perfectly.
Me: Well... I don't know... I'm not some sick fuck, you seem nice--- like you care about people and I just... I don't know wanted a friend who isn't just full of shit who lies about everything.
Him: Well... That's fair I guess... Sorry I'm just suspicious after dealing with all of the jocks' and cheerleaders harassing me for the last four years.
Me: I would be too...
Him: yeah... So... What are you up to???
Me: Well, not a lot really. I'm sitting around with my dog.
Him: you have a dog??
Me: yeah haha
Him: what kind?? I've always wanted a dog!
Me: he's a mutt, like a Great pyranise cross or something, he has long hair and brown spots. He's my love... Lol
Him: that's cute AF, I want to see!
Me: we could walk him together sometime. I run most of the time though haha
Him: that would actually be pretty sweet.
Me: maybe tomorrow?
Him: sure. Sounds good :) see you tomorrow at school?
Me: yeah... For sure :)
"Abyaad!! He's coming over tomorrow to walk with us!" At the word walk he jumps up and starts sprinting around in circles, licks my face and knocks me on my ass from a sitting positing to laying down. I laugh, and he licks my face. "I guess I have to take you for a walk now don't I?" He jumps off the bed and runs around in circles, we go downstairs and I clip him on his lead, we go for a long run.
I get home and I want to have a shower, again... All I can think of is cutting, even though I'm not particularly sad, or angry or anything really. I was elated when I left for my run and when I got back I was feeling nothing-- Nothing at all if I'm being completely honest. So I go into the bathroom and run the shower once again with steaming hot water, climb into it again and burn myself, scolding my sides just a tiny bit, my blades are already layed out on the cupboard from smallest to largest and I grab the smaller one, and cut deep this time. Not as many this time as last, but much deeper, deep to the point where they hurt badly, and I smile. That's what makes me feel deranged. The sick smile from the feeling of pain the I receive from the blood that spills from my sides. I start to laugh audibly, only then realizing that I don't have any music on, my sister knocks on the door.
"You okay in there nut-job?" She says also laughing--- be that a more uncomfortable laugh.
"Ahahaha yeah, I'm uh... I'm watching cat videos on YouTube."
"Alright, weirdo..." I hear her footsteps fading away from the door.
