I wake up at five the next day, my head hurts and my eyes are swollen from crying. I run my fingers through my hair and exhale deeply. I hear my dog jump into my bed and smile as he jumps all over me, whining and licking my face. "I love you" I mumble at him and pet him gently. He's white, with brown spots on his back and half of his face. "Come here Abyaad." and he does, he walks over to me and lays his head on my lap, He for sure could be called a larger dog, his back comes up to my waist and his head a few inches above that.
I look at myself in the mirror across from my bed and sigh. I hate waking up, there's always that part of me that wants to lay down and go back to sleep forever. I dont want to wake up because I dont want to feel anything. I just want to sleep and have pleasant dreams and not have to experience the pain and emotions of the day. I dont want to be angry at anyone today, I dont want to break down and start crying, I dont want to deal with anyone or anything.
I looka around my room and stroke my dogs fur, contemplating going back to sleep, but Abyaad won't let me. He nudges me and pushes me until I stand up and give him a small smile. "is it time for a...?" I ask him, he jumps around a little bit and his tail wags violently. I finish my sentance "Walk!" and he runs around my room. I get dressed, short shorts and a nice body hugging tank top. It's hot out, I do live in a desert, after all.
I go down the steps casually and grab Abyaads harness and lead. he continues to jump and squirm while I attempt to get it on him. When we finally get outside he's loosing his mind and ready to run, we run every morning together a steady jog. "alright let's go."
We return home after a twenty minute long run. Abyaad is panting and runs into the kitchen to get a drink of water and I follow. My heart beats hard against my chest and I'm breathing so hard it seems as though someone is sitting on my chest. Mom and dad are out and everyone else is somewhere inside the almost mansion sized house we all live in. I grab a glass and fill it with water and afterwards rest my head on the cold granite countertops.
I slowly go up the stairs, pulling my hair out of its pony tail and running my hands through it. I'm sweaty, my clothes cling to my body and the feeling makes me cringe. I shiver and walk into the bathroom and stare at myself for a moment, no makeup on I look sickly. I sigh deeply and turn to the shower. "yep, gotta wash my hair." I mumble top myself and start stripping down, I stop though, when I catch my erfelction in the mirror. My sides are scarred and for moment my throat burns and eyes sting. Why do I do this to myself..? My hands slide up my sides and feel how dry the skin, the rough texture makes me cringe slightly. I look away, tears welling in my eyes, I step into the shower and let the water pull away my tears, pull away my pain and pull away all of cares.
