In the morning I wake up, in pain- it's an odd feeling to describe, this beautiful ache that goes from my side and the splits into a screaming, searing pain outwards to my stomach and spine.my alarm won't stop beeping. I roll over feeling around for my phone which is where that dreaded noise is coming from, turn it off and force myself to do the one thing that is the absolute worst in life... Get out of bed.
I feel the depression from the moment I get up, this irritation that grows inside me as I go downstairs into my kitchen and listen to the usual hustle and bustle that occurs each morning. Dad sees me, recognizes that I'm not in the best mood and asks "Have you been remembering to take your medicine?" I almost explode. Eight thousand thoughts go through my head all at once.
About two years ago, mom and dad saw that I was cutting myself and made me go to a psychologist, to seek 'professional help' for my 'serious problem.' I've been on meds ever since and I take them regularly, every day with breakfast which I eat with my family every morning.
"Maybe if you actually paid attention to me in the mornings when we're eating 'as a family' you would see that I have been taking them, dad... I just woke up, can you please not talk about this right now, it hurts my feelings..." Is really what I should say instead I just now at him, and give a simple "yeah." And take his response of 'love you hunny.' As he walks out the door to work. I sigh inwardly, making a conscious effort to hide it from everyone else downstairs right now.
I find myself staring at the twins again. "Man, you guys are growing to fast. Stop it!" My laugh rings through the room and they laugh with me, just a little, we all say this to them regularly. It's pretty clear they're both going to be tall and attractive men, at age 12 they're around 5'6, same height as me. They stand up to go and do the dishes, I frown at them, with a grin that's mostly a joke. "I love you guys." I walk over and hug them, their arms wrap around me and they squeeze my waist. I feel myself flinch and pray that they don't notice...
A few tense moments pass until I realize they didn't feel my flinch at all. "Are you guys about ready to go?" I turn and see mom, standing at the base of our stairs." The boys start rushing, packing their lunch into their backpacks, they go to a private school twenty minutes outside of town so they normally leave a while before me. Mom looks at me, smiles and offers a ride.
"No thanks momma, I like walking, it prepares me for the day... and is it alright if a friend comes by after school to help me walk Abyaad?"
"I guess so... Ask me sooner next time though please." She's clearly slightly annoyed- but then there's me, who hardly ever hangs out with anyone and spends most of my time exercising, doing homework or talking to my dog. "By the way Lil, he's outside. You might want to let him inside before you go." With that, she exits the house, the boys trailing behind her.
I go to the fridge, searching through the mess I find a Greek yogurt and then move on the pantry, hoping to find some granola to mix. Today's my day off, normally in the morning I run, come home, shower then eat and finally do my makeup before exiting the house and heading to school. My routine is pretty stable, generally I don't break from it because when I do it gives me anxiety.
My thoughts are cut off by the abrupt and loud scratching at the back door, so I go over and let the dog inside, petting him and letting him lick my face. As he walks past me his tail whips my leg a few times, I laugh, and lock him in the kitchen behind the baby gate before I go upstairs to pick clothes and do my makeup.
I decide on a simple outfit, black leggings and a long, loose grey top that cuts off right under my bum. My hair gets thrown into a messy bun on top of my head and put on some simple eye makeup and some bronzer. Double take myself on the way out of the house, throw on some white sneakers grab my back and leave.
The day passes slowly, I don't see Travis anywhere until the end of the day when I'm leaving and I see him approaching me. He has a black eye. I feel myself getting really mad, and start walking toward him "What the hell happened?!" I ask abruptly stopping him in his tracks, without thinking I reach up and hold his face by the chin, turning his head so I can see the damage actually done. He pulls away slightly and I let go, embarrassed. "Sorry.." I mumble
"Don't worry about it... It happens a lot." He rubs the back of his head and manages a half hearted laugh.
"Well... Are you still coming over, to uh. Well to meet my dog?" I laugh, and look up at him smiling. He nods and we start on our way to my house.
