Finding a Way to Love:Forever Yours (Book two of The Finding Series)

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Sam crawls off of me after, and I can't help but feel so bad. I know God is whispering to me how wrong what we just did was—is, but I am too furious at God right now. I sit up and pull my knees to my chest sobbing again. I find out my mother is dead; then I go off and have sex. How demented is that? Sam leans close and I feel his arm wrap around me. I shrug him off. What we just did was wrong and will not happen again.

“Rache, can we talk about what just happened?” I shake my head, letting my tears continue. “I don’t want to talk.” Sam sighs. He gets off the bed and starts to dress. I just sit there and don’t move. I can’t move. I am glued to the spot.

“My daughter, you have strayed.” God whispers to me. I shake the thoughts from my mind. “I didn’t stray, YOU left me!” I yell out, not caring Sam can hear me. The pain is starting again, eating at me. The room spins and before I know what I am doing, I walk to Sam and kiss him again.

This time he pushes me away. “Rachel, we really need to talk. What was that back there? What happened?” I sit back on the bed, grabbing Sam’s T-shirt off the floor and pulling it on my body. “I don’t know, Sam. I just…” I break off crying again. Me and my emotions. My mom races through my mind. Her pale blonde hair and her hazel eyes. I collapse on the bed. Sobs shaking every bone of my body. The room is foggy and I know Sam is there, but it feels like I am the only one here. My phone starts to ring and I see it’s my daddy. I cry even harder and I remember what my mom told me about my dad going to her for comfort when his dad died. I wonder is he got the same comfort I got.

I answer the phone trying not to cry. “Hey daddy.” I say weakly.  He lets out a breath and I know he is keeping himself strong for me. “Hey baby girl. I was calling to check on you. Annabel called me and told me you were with Sam, and I wanted to see how you are.”  I choke back a sob and hold my tears. “I’m okay daddy.”  I try to smile, but it doesn’t work.  The sobs wrack my body again and soon I hear my father cry with me. “Daddy, it’s all my fault! It’s my fault, I told mama to stay out of my life. We got into a huge argument earlier today and now she is gone.” Sam’s arm wraps around my body and this time I don’t push him away. “Baby, it isn’t your fault. She called me right after your argument and cried. She told me everything. But look God is going to take care of this.” I shake my head and throw my arms in the air. “No, dad. God isn’t here. Not at all.”

I hear him gasp on the other line. “Rachel Anne, what would your mother say if she heard you say that?” I let out a weak chuckle. “She would be mad at me.” My lip starts to quiver. “Then she would assure me everything would be okay.” Sam tightens his arms around me quivering body. “Yeah she would. Look we decided to cremate her since she was so badly damaged.” His voice breaks when he says it. “We are having a memorial service in a few days. Just wanted to let you know.” He tells me he loves me and that it isn’t my fault. I sigh and lean back into Sam’s embrace. He kisses my forehead.  “Hey I am going to take you back to the diner and let you get your car, okay?” I shake my head. “I really don’t want to be alone. Can I stay for a little bit?”

He nods reluctantly. “Yeah you can stay, but I am taking the couch and you can have the bed.” I shake my head again. I know this is wrong, but the way his arms felt around me earlier, I want that comfort again; the safety. “Can you hold me? Please? Nothing else, I just want your arms around me.” He sighs and pulls me closer to him, laying us back on the bed. His arms tighten around me tighter and he kisses my neck.  I sigh and close my eyes.

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When I wake up, Sam’s arms aren’t around me anymore, but the smell of something delicious is coming from down stairs. I look outside and realize it’s late. Maybe ten or eleven. Means I have been asleep for a while. I pull my pants on and walk downstairs. Sam is in the kitchen his shirt still off and his jeans hanging loose. I tear my eyes from him and go sit at the table. He turns to me and smiles. “You’re awake.” I nod. “Thanks.” He nods. He knows what I mean; he doesn’t even have to ask.