Im Not Ok (Phanfic)

Chapter 3: PJ's house

Hey guys i just wanted to say thank you for not loosing your crap on me when i didnt update it. And remember, if any of you ever need to talk... I will always be here to help. I dont want to see any of you sad... So if you are struggling... Please ask for help. And if you are triggered easily, please dont read this... I don't want to harm you guys.!You guys are the best... And i have another chapter after this too. Enjoy!

Dans POV

TRIGGER WARNING

PJ grabbed my hand to lead me to his room. I jumped back out of habit. He grabbed my wrist. I could feel the cuts re open and the warm blood trickle down my arm.

"Dan, are you ok? Im sorry, was that too soon? U-um lets just go into my room. We can talk about it there." PJ says timidly

He shows me the way to his room. His room was the last down the hallway, which might I add is HUGE.

Right before he opened his bedroom door he said "I didn't clean it, and I have a lot of crap in here. Don't judge."

He opened his door and all I saw was green everywhere. With the occasional black band poster on the wall. "PJ. Your room is a little preppy but... I LOVE IT!!" I said with a little to much enthusiasm

PJ laughed a little and I could feel myself flush red

"Dan, are you ok? Do you have a fever? Your getting really red. Well not red, its like a bright pink. But you get my point."

"Yeah I'm fine. I was just thinking. You know... Just getting lost in your own thoughts. I do it often. Probably too often." I say with nervous laughter that was really awkward.

PJ nodded his head. He didn't look convinced, but left it for now which was good. He walked out of the room to get an extra pillow and some clothes for me to sleep in. He's so thoughtful. He even thinks of the smallest things. Like lighting his favorite candle. He's been gone for a little while though, I wonder what he's up to. I quietly walk out of his room and sneak behind the corner. I look down to see PJ and his mum cooking something. I don't know what it is exactly but it smells really good. I'm gonna leave him to that.

So I walk back up the stairs and into his bright room. He has told me earlier that I can go through his stuff to find something to do so I start to do that. I walked over to his desk and saw a book. By the looks of the bindings, it was handmade. I opened it and quickly noticed that PJ writes, a lot. His writing has so much meaning and detail. It's beautiful. His most recent work was yesterday. He was writing about how sexuality and gender do not change the person. Well at least I know now he's not a homophobe.

"Ok mum, I'll get Dan and be right down."
Right as I heard that I quickly shut the notebook, put it back, and jumped on his bed just in time.

"Hey Dan, my mum made a cake with me and, u-um-m I was wondering if you would like some. If you would, we can go down and get some. I mean you don't have to but---"--- "PJ its ok. I'll grab some cake. You don't have to worry about me or get worked up or any of that. Im your friend." I say with my hand on his shoulder

We walk down the stairs to see a big chocolate cake on the table. "You boys can decorate the cake now if you would like." Ms. Ligouri said

We got out icing and lots of sprinkles to decorate the cake with.   He had the whole rainbow. He even had black and white. I got half the cake to decorate and he got the other half. I thought I would make the biromantic pride flag(bisexual and asexual). I started with the flag in the middle, and went on to the first pink stripe. Then the purple stripe in the middle. And finally the blue. Then I drew a heart in the middle and filled that in with white, grey, black, and purple stripes. PJ was so into his drawing he didn't even realize I was done. He was drawing a robot in icing.

"Um, Dan. Why did you draw a pride flag? And what pride flag is that, I've never seen that one before."

I was so surprised that PJ knows the pride flags I completely forgot he asked me the question.

"Dan you were thinking too hard again." PJ said concerned

"Oops sorry. Uumm. I just love that color scheme and the heart in the middle just makes the picture" I say, hoping he drops it.

He doesn't look convinced, but decides not to bring it up. Instead we were talking about how good the cake was and thanking Ms. Ligouri for the food and letting me stay over.

We decide to go back into his room and make the bed, because its almost midnight. Once the bed was made, I went into the bathroom to change. I opened up my bag and saw my little bag 'for emergencies only'.

The next thing I knew, I was on the floor. There was blood everywhere. I should have known I can't even go a week without cutting. Im such a fuck up.

I walk out of the bathroom to see PJ sitting on his bed playing mario cart. He was so focused on the game he didn't even notice I came in. I sat next to him and he jumped a little. I guess he was surprised I was there.

"Hey Dan. Do you want to play mario cart with me?" PJ says quietly so his mom does not notice he's awake. I say yes and grab a controller.

We play mario cart for 3 hours until I almost fell asleep on PJ