Behind Closed Hearts

Chapter 20

James had told the two of them, Lily and Nathen, that he wanted to be alone, but of course they hadn't left him alone for hours.

It was much later now and James was sitting in his room staring at the picture of his real family on the wall with a heavy blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

He was unsure when Lily had wrapped the blanket around him, maybe an hour or so ago? Beside James was his hardly touched dinner. He glanced at it and realized it was cold.

He was hungry, but he couldn't stomach the thought of food, especially what appeared to be cold macaroni and, well, he didn't know what else that brown mush was.

He looked back at the picture longingly and rubbed at his arm. Nathen had put fresh bandages on his arm along with a series of apologies for that night when he'd come home drunk.

James looked down at the bandages. Was Nathen that bad of a guy? What was really rolling around in that head of his? He brushed his fingers along them but froze when he heard a knock at the door.

James looked over his shoulder. Nathen was standing at the open door, smiling sheepishly, causing James to frown in confusion. Nathen was even holding two mugs in his hands. "Lily didn't let you close your door, I'm guessing?"

"No," James said slowly. He turned and brought his legs up onto the bed to look at the man. "I was just about to go to bed," James hinted. He didn't feel much like talking.

"It will only take a minute." Nathen crossed the room and rounded the bed and came to sit by James. He set his second mug onto the bedside table by him.

"This is my family's special recipe for hot chocolate. I guarantee it's better than any other hot chocolate you've ever had."

James shifted uncomfortably, picked up his mug and looked at warily. What if he poisoned it? He shook off the thought and took a little sip.

It was alright, he would admit, but it wasn't the best he had. Regardless, he looked up at Nathen and gave him a wry smile. "It's good."

Nathen fiddled with his own mug and looked away to James' family photo on the wall. He smiled. "Your parents look like nice people."

"They were," James said warmly, setting his mug back down. "They were the best."

"You know, I wasn't always like this," Nathen said suddenly, still looking at James' photo. "It was because of my father." At these words, the two met eyes and tension soaked the room.

"What did he do?"

"He would beat me constantly... a bit like I've done to you. And he would call me nasty names... Then, when I tried to tell someone, I messed it up and made myself look crazy. My father had me locked up..." He trailed off, staring at the wall. James straightened up, surprised. What had happened to him that had made him turn out this way?

"They drugged me quite a bit," Nathen continued, glancing at him.

"It wasn't a feeling I liked. I was lethargic and it often brought me to the edge of depression. That is why I still struggle with the pills today. They make me feel... so off. But when I tried to take myself off the pills, I came to realize that I was not myself any longer. A side effect is that I have intense night terrors and hallucinations. I'm not sure how it gotten to that point. It was probably a combination of the physical and mental abuse, the drugs, and the loss of my family. I don't know."

"How did you get out?" James found himself asking.

Nathen looked away again. "They realized my claim of abuse was true after my father physically attacked a new girlfriend. I was about fourteen when it all began, but I was seventeen when I got out. I was granted emancipation and things started to go back uphill after that. I met Lily after that in college." He smiled warmly, tapping at his chin.