James was sitting on a curb on a random street when they found him. He glanced up tiredly as they started rushing towards him.
About time. He's been sitting there for what? Twenty minutes? He was starting to get cold, sitting there without a shirt.
He blew out a slow breath, leaning his head on his hands and watched Jordan and Eddie approach. Eddie already had his phone out, calling someone about James' location. Seamus, he guessed.
"Oh, so you're here," James said when Jordan stopped in front of him.
"We are trying our best to help you, we really are," Jordan began with anger flashing in his eyes. "But you can't run from your problems anymore. If you don't want to tell an adult about your problems, at least tell Aleks about it. The two of you…"
"Yeah," James said quietly, looking down at the pavement. His chest felt heavy. "I know."
"You have to tell him," Jordan urged.
"Yeah," James said noncommittally. He knew he had to. It would be almost impossible to keep the whole story under wraps now…
Sighing again, James pushed his self to his feet. He felt so weak, pathetic. More and more people were getting involved in something that never was to be. It was sickening. "I'll go do it guys. You don't need to come with me."
"Oh, no," Eddie said, still holding the phone to his ear. He placed a hand over the receiver. "We are making sure you get back to Aleks. We don't want you sneaking off."
James pursed his lips, angry, but allowed his self to be led away.
--
James knocked on his brother's door shakily. He was scared, terrified, of what Aleks would say. He waited a moment for any voices but… there was nothing.
Was Aleks really in there? Was James about to be ambushed? He wouldn't put it past Joe, especially when he hadn't seen the midget in quite a while.
James stared at the door, standing in the dark hallway. What if he just ran away and put all of the bullshit behind him? He immediately frowned at his own thoughts. He couldn't even imagine being that far away from Aleks.
Downstairs, he could hear Eddie and Jordan talking, their words hard to make out. He wondered if they were talking about him and it was a thought that hurt him more than it should.
Not wanting to stand around any longer, James reached forward and turned the knob slowly and peered inside.
The sun was filtering through the window and there was a familiar form lying on the bed. James slipped inside quietly and closed the door with just the softest sounds.
He found himself looking around Aleks' room with something somewhat like jealousy. The room just felt so alive. There was evidence of a loving family in this room: the pictures, the slightly messiness of the room, the dog toys in the corner… It just felt like a real home.
James placed a hand over his chest, pressing his fingers against his cold, bare chest. His chest hurt again. He wished he could have this again with Aleks.
Silently, James rounded the bed, so that he could see Aleks' face. He was lying on his side, his face relaxed and still, and he was breathing deeply and steadily.
"Fast asleep," James said, trying not to smile. "Of course." Aleks always had a habit of falling asleep on James when he wanted to talk.
He moved back around the bed and sat down on the unoccupied side. It dipped down slowly with his weight and James froze for a moment, watching his brother, hoping that he would not wake.
When he didn't, James pulled himself up the remainder of the distance and leaned back against the headboard, observing his brother.
After a moment, however, he grew fidgety. Maybe he should just wake Aleks up and just get this over with? He scrubbed a hand over his eyes.
He looked down at Aleks and poked him lightly. "Aleks?"
Aleks didn't even seem to notice. He just kept sleeping.
"Aleksandr?" James said a little louder, poking a little harder. Nothing.
"Aleks?" His voice was shrouded in emotion he hadn't noticed building in him. Suddenly he found tears prickling at his eyes and they burst forward before James could stop them.
He sniffed and scraped his arm over his eyes angrily. "Dammit, I just keep crying," he moaned to himself. And the tears kept coming without an end in sight. So James just sat there, crying beside his sleeping brother, feeling like a worthless fuck.
"God, sometimes I hate you, Aleks," James said after a moment. He sniffed harshly as he glared at his sleeping brother. "You say you want to know everything but then you end up sleeping. You're a real jerk, you know that?"
Aleks didn't reply. The bastard.
He brought his knees to his chest and dropped his head down into his crossed arms. "I hate you, Aleks. I hate you," he whispered.
He clenched his fists and cried mercilessly into his arms. "I hate our friends. I hate my teachers. I hate the councilor. I hate everyone. How can no one see what is happening to me? Why does everyone assume I would cut myself? Hurt myself? Am I that useless?"
Silence followed his speech and it made him more miserable. His heart was pounding hard into his chest and rush of anger spilled over.
"I don't hurt myself. I don't. I don't." He inhaled sharply. Through his mind flashed images of Nathen at his worst, towering over him with that look in his eyes. James flinched into his arms, gasping. "I wish he would just leave me alone," he said lowly.
Suddenly something grasped his arm and James knocked himself backward in surprise. His head shot upward and he was terrified.
Aleks was clenching James' arm from where he was lying with a murderous look on his face. It was one James had never seen on Aleks' face. Ever.
It stopped James' tears instantly. The cool air brushed his drying tears as the two stared each other.
"Who is it, James?" Aleks growled out. "Who?"
James' breath hitched. There it was. Aleks knew.
Aleks slowly sat up and leaned close. "Who is it?"
Shock kept him in place and he gaped at Aleks. His heart raced; the panic was clawing up his veins and he instantly felt overwhelmed.
Aleks wasn't supposed to hear that. He wasn't supposed to know.
This was all wrong.
James sniffed, not realizing that the tears were spilling over again.
Aleks grabbed James' shoulders hard, making him flinch, and shook him roughly.
"James… Who is it?"
YOU ARE READING
Behind Closed Hearts
Fanfiction""I don't hurt myself. I don't. I don't." He inhaled sharply. Through his mind flashed images of Nathen at his worst, towering over him with that look in his eyes. James flinched into his arms, gasping. "I wish he would just leave me alone," he said...
