Saved as Draft [Kim Taehyung]

Twenty

Taehyung,

I'm not sure what to say exactly. It took me about a week to read all of those letters. There were so many--over a hundred. It's amazing. Honestly. I can't believe you did all of that. I can't believe you did all of that because of me.

Where do I begin? Probably an explanation? You must be wondering why I wrote to you and how I know about all of your letters. So let me explain. Yoongi sent them. He wrote me an email, explaining what he had noticed about you writing to me and hurting so much. I am so, so, so sorry. I can never explain how sorry I am. I had no idea that anything I said would have that big of an effect on you. Here we are, five years later, and you still remember me? Amazing, honestly. Then again, I remembered you as well, but that's an explanation I'll save for later.

Please, don't be mad at Yoongi. I wasn't even supposed to tell you that he sent the letters you wrote when you were sleeping, but I'm telling you because you deserve to know. Please understand that he did what he thought was best for you. And I'm so glad he did. If he didn't, I would never know what was going on and I'd never be able to write back. I realize now, although it may be too late, that what I did was wrong. It was a terrible thing to do and I will never be able to forgive myself. I will not ask for your forgiveness, as I do not deserve it, but I will try to explain everything as well as I can. You deserve that much.

I'll answer all of your questions first, or at least some of them.

In your first letter, you asked how I was doing, if I still played piano, how I liked America, if I really meant it when I said I hate you, if I was planning to study psychology and if I was planning on returning to Korea after school. You asked so many questions in that first one, ha ha.

I do still play piano. I've found a teacher and she helps me improve my technique and intonation. She has completely transformed my playing into something new and way more beautiful.

America is amazing. I love it so much. There are so many nice people here and it is truly a beautiful place. The national parks are quite a sight. I travelled to one of the most famous parks in America, Yellowstone. It was the experience of a lifetime. The geysers were incredible, and so were the mountains. You'd love it there. It was the most amazing place I'd ever seen. Magical, you could say. You should convince your group to try going there for a group vacation or something some day. I'm sure it'd be a great visit.

I am still studying psychology, and I need about four or five more years. It's a truly fascinating subject and I am completely in love with it. I am still planning to return, because although I love America, Korea is my home. It is where I belong and America will never be able to replace it.

I didn't mean it when I said I hate you. I'd love to have said that I did, but then I wouldn't be writing this letter, would I? I guess this is where the explanation comes in.

Taehyung, when you said you loved me, I couldn't describe the joy I felt. I was so happy, I couldn't believe you felt the same way as I did. Yes, I did love you. I felt the same. I loved you so much that, as you said, it hurt. But I couldn't tell you. By then you had already told me of your dreams of being an idol. Taehyung, I know that you would have abandoned your dream for me if I had told you I felt the same. You always made rash decisions like that and you'd only regret it. Furthermore, a relationship simply wouldn't work. I had to move to America to study. I'll be here for a minimum of eight years. You were training to be an idol. Now you are a celebrity known all over the world for your music, even though so many people can't even understand it. We'd practically never see each other or talk to each other, especially with time differences.

I couldn't just point this out to you. You'd try to find some way around it, even if it only hurt you in the end. I admit that what I did was stupid and I should have thought of something different, but at the moment that was all I could think of. No matter how much it hurt me, I had to do something to make sure we could both move on and be happy. Unfortunately it seems that neither of us did quite move on, but I still encourage you to move on from me. Forget me and leave me. Hate me, if that's what will help.

I'm sorry, Taetae. I never forgot about that nickname. It was really cute and I stopped calling you by it because I started realizing my feelings and I guess I felt to awkward calling you that? I also remember every single memory you wrote about. I do believe that I have had my Most Beautiful Moment in Life. As cheesy as it may sound, it was the same as the one you thought of, except it was the moment that you held me under the rising sun as I watched the world light up in your arms. It was truly a beautiful moment and I'll never forget it. You never stopped being my sunshine, Tae. You will forever be my sun, no matter what.

I'm sorry for everything I've done. I hope this letter has cleared everything up for you. Hopefully you can now move on. It's for the best and will help both of us. I'm terribly sorry for everything I've done to you, and I hope you can find someone else. You are an amazing person, Tae. Please understand that. Don't ever torture yourself over someone else again, they don't deserve it. Please just live, Tae. We're still young. Let us learn from this and save ourselves future problems.

I wish you the best of everything.

Sincerely,
[Surname] [Name]

{a/n: Message saved as draft. lmao nah jk i'm not that evil. ok so i have a vERY IMPORTANT QUESTION.

Angst and (probably happy) sequel

OR

Happy ending and no sequel?

i need help in deciding because i suck at decisions and i WILL NOT UPDATE until i figure out which one of these i am using because i can't continue without knowing which one i'm doing. thanks for reading and all of your support!}