Why

Chapter 3

Hey guys. Once again sorry for not posting but here's another chapter.
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Stella's P.O.V
Walking to Nathan's I couldn't help the smile on my face. Finally being rid of the fighting and yelling. That was until it started raining, but even that couldn't dim my mood. In fact I love the rain, the soothing crack of thunder, the smell of clean water and fresh dirt. I even love the cold droplets that fall and clean everything in sight. As if saying I'll wash away the pain. These thoughts were running through my mind as I rounded the corner to Nathans. His light blue, worn house came into my view. School hadn't started yet, so I know he'll still be home. I know this because he sleeps like a log. Knowing his mom would be home I decide to go through his window instead. The sight that greets me isn't a pretty one. The guy I love, the guy I've known for years was shirtless with a Barbie named Carla straddling him. Nathan's head whipped to meet my eyes so fast, I wondered if he had whiplash. Tears were building in my eyes as I grabbed his headphones and pocketknife. Taking one last look I saw a almost hurt Nathan and a pissed Barbie. He got up to grab me, but was to late as I tore through the window. I ran and ran. My feet splashing and pounding against the concrete. Rain and tears were blinding my eyes as I headed towards the forest. Why me? Why do these things happen to me? A few years ago my sister left and one of my brothers left. I witnessed my grandpa dying, and now this. Why me? Why do I have to go through this? I could see the clearing of the forest, which was only a bigger motivation for me to run faster. I slowed my pace once by the clearing. Fishing out the headphones I plugged them in my phone and scrolled through my music. I chose my favorite song by green day boulevard of broken dreams. Walking through the forest I try to focus on the words and my surroundings. Anything to get my mind off of the scene. Tree after tree. Mud squished under my crap, old high tops. Animals scurried away. Mainly squirrels and mice. The trees had an ominous feel to them. I kept walking till I tripped. I braved myself for impact, which wasn't as hard as I expected. The mud simply squished around me. Instead of getting up to walk, I just sat up. Grabbing my backpack I dug around for the small pocketknife and my journal. I started writing.
Dear diary,
Why do I have to go through the pain? Why can't I be normal and not a freak? Why do my scars show?
Why can't I be loved? I have no talent, no looks, no smarts, I'm just a boring little cutter. No one wants something broken because it's to much work to put back together. It's even worse when somethings been shattered like glass. All I'll ever be is a spare, a backup, a plan b. A nothing.
Feb/29/16
Love,
Stella.
With that I closed my book and opened the blade. The metal felt cool against my skin as I made cut after cut. Watching the thin red lines appear. Not long after my vision started to blur. Laying down with my backpack under my head, watching the blood run from my arm then it went black.
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Song above is Boulevard of Broken Dreams by green day.
I know it's a short chapter sorry I wrote this @ 11:00 pm so I was tired.