Why

Chapter 5

Stella P.O.V
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Do you ever have that moment. That split second in time. Where everything seems okay. Just for a fraction of a second. Then boom. You see something, you hear something, you do something. That moment disappears. That's what happened that day. Hunter and I we talked all day. He lent me money for a hotel room. I was happy. Then I looked at my phone. Never in my life has one small object felt like it held so much weight in my heart. I left and went to my room. Laying there. Doing nothing, just silence.
A simple text. A few words. Then hunter didn't answer the next day. It's pathetic how someone can be so petty. It's disappointing how much people are wrapped up in themselves. I thought this as I fell asleep last night. Sitting in my plain room, the tv on but never watching it. Background noise. I just sat there staring at the ceiling. Thinking. How when everything was going good, can something come along and ruin it? Why can't I have someone of my own? Did he ever really care? What's the point? Nowadays people don't watch what they say. They don't care what you're going through as long as they get what they want. It was well after 1 am. I couldn't sleep, couldn't cry, couldn't breathe. Just sat there uncaring unaware. Hunter, I had no idea how he felt. Sad? Happy? Happy to be rid of me? He never answered. I sat there in the cold. Rid of blankets, air on, window open. Cold. If I pick up the blade, there's no going back. If I don't I'll feel more empty. It's a lose/lose situation. I lost nath, I lost Mason last year, now I'm losing hunter... why does Carla insist on hating me, on me being alone. Why does her dumb brother Neal hate me and anytime some guy likes me, he talks crap about me and changes them til they hate me? It's my life so why do they insist on being a part of it. 2 am. Thoughts still being in my head. School tomorrow I have to see them, what'll happen. 4 am. I picked up that blade. 1,2,3,4. Why didn't he take it away. 5,6,7,8 why am I the one that has to get the hate. 9,10,11,12. Am I already in hell? 13,14,15,16 what's wrong with me? What am I missing. 17,18.....maybe this time someone will stop and listen. 6 am. Let's get ready for school. Long jeans, long sleeves. Hide the scars. You'll be okay. I got in my car, the jeans stinging the cuts. I drove to school. When I walked in I could hear the whispers. The stares. Anxiety built in me as I went to first hour. Why. Hunter wouldn't look at me. I kept my head down, focused on my work and nothing else. I talked to a couple people, made them think I was okay. Made them think I didn't care. Carla was in my third hour. That was full of her talking and glaring. 4th hour finally a reprieve. Lunch, I went third wheeling with my friend heaven and her boyfriend, I saw him at 7/11 (where we usually get lunch) he said hi, and I left. I did not eat lunch after that. 5th hour he kept looking at me. I didn't look over once. 6th hour and 7th went by boringly, and over. After school I walked straight to the car and left. Home. At home I did my work. Then got ready for a shower. You know it burns when the water hits just right. I turned the heat on its highest setting, stripped down and  set out a dark towel to hide the blood. I climbed in and sat. it hurt like hell, watching the red run down. Getting out I exercised till my muscles burned. I re cleaned the cuts pouring alcohol on them. I yelped as the acidic feeling hit skin. I held my towel to the cuts as the burn went away. I drank coffee and got ready for bed. Emotionless throughout the day, like a bot. Move, sleep, school, work, shower, sleep. That was the last thought that crossed my mind as sleep deprivation took over.