Dear Diary,
At these times you might be saying, wow Ema has such an unlucky life... I don't wish to pity myself but at these times I'm also thinking that. I don't know why everything is going wrong, Aksel's death, my dad divorcing my mom and going to prison because of his damn drugs and now this... my MOM'S death... I'm more devastated than I'll ever be in my whole life... I wish to kill myself but I know that mom and Aksel wherever they are wish that I don't I want to do whatever they wish for me to do so I won't for the sake of Aksel and my mom.
I wish I could hold them one last time... I wish I can talk to them and tell them that I love them, wherever they are I think that they know everything that I'm feeling and wishing to day to them so that makes me feel a little bit better...
Why did my mom have to get cancer in this moment just 2 months after Aksel's death? Why ? I didn't want to know about my religion anymore, I used to skip classes and cause a fuss on everything that had to DO with religion and Christianity. I wish that my life would just be over like Aksel and my mom's were. I don't want to spend another minute on this earth. My mom didn't last a month with cancer, she didn't defeat cancer like all the other people that I knew about that were in the news...
I hope that I just don't sit next to my dad at the funeral, but as my mom wanted me to get along with dad... I wish I could stop addressing g him as dad... but... that's what mom would have wanted so I'll just go with it and I don't want to worry my grandma as she is already 85 years old now and she could easily... I can't say it...
Well right now I'm at a restaurant waiting for my uncle to do the preparations for my mom's... ... ... ... fu.. ner... al... this hurts more than Aksel's death, well you tell me obviously cuz it's your mom duh but it's not like that at all I can't explain how important Aksel was in my life, he was the most precious friend, even more than Jael...
My uncle arrived... I don't want to be a part of this...
