My Savior Dad!

New Beginnings

Dear dad,

I want you to know how much I love you. How much you mean to me and how you have saved my life....

Uhh... Nevermind all that, you are the best thing in my life right now and...

No, this isn't saying what I want...

So instead I walked out of my room, and sat next to dad.

I thought everything would be ok, that I could just talk to him, tell him. But who was I kidding. He's the only person who probably knows how I feel the best. Do I need to tell him? No... It always seems that he understands just how I feel the best.

I looked at him, reading his book. Clean shaven face and short spikey hair.... I was thinking to myself man, how am I so lucky to have him as a father?

"Babe? What's wrong?" he piped up

"I am so lucky to have you as a father, for you to be here helping me, giving up your studio time with the guys to be with me. Giving up your time with her and all the rest of your friends and our family just to be alone with me. You are the best thing in my life and I am soooooo sorry that I didn't get to say this before, I am sad that for all these years when I got caught up in drugs that I didn't get to thank you for being my father. And I love that you didn't hesitate to help me when I needed you, I am lucky that you are her, and for you dad............ I am going to clean up my act, and for you......... I am going to never end my life. And with all that said dad, I promise you I will never take my life in my hands and I promise that I will never touch drugs. Because you mean so much and I can't watch the pain in your eyes get any bigger, because it hurts when I see that my actions have made you cry. Because finally I see what I'm doing to you and to everyone else. But most of all dad..... I Love You!"

Wow, that felt good. He let me talk, he didn't interrupt me. It all came out in one big emotional thought.

Suddenly he hugged me.

He didn't say anything, he just held me.

However this is when things changed, I felt him shaking. My dad is always ok, he's always strong and never shakes like this. He only shakes like this when he has an anxiety attack or if he knows he has something to say that will worry someone....

I wanted to ask him so I sat up and looked into his eyes.

"what's wrong?" is all I said. 

His eyes welled up and I got that feeling that something was wrong. I was becoming scared. No, terrified.

"Babe, I have something to tell you too. And please, just let me talk."

Oh no.....................