Like most people on Valentine's Day, I stayed at home. Probably like you, because let's be honest, you're probably single and lonely if you are actually reading this.
Let me describe Valentine's Day in one sentence. Single people's reminder that they are forever alone. This doesn't apply to me. Not because I'm taken, because trust me when I say that would rather claw my own eyes put, than see me in love. Not that it's possible.
Anyways, to all those singles out there who sat at home binge watching the Notebook, (don't lie. That's just a new low.) , you need a guide to being single.
Before that, here is my nightmare of a holiday. Dang right. Even Christmas can't top this. I've spent the past month recovering.
So I was at home, when I heard a the ring of my doorbell. I sulked over to the door, and opened it, literally slamming it shut in their face when I saw who I was.
The Russian Blue. If you've been reading this long enough, you know about the Russian Blue.
Grumpy Cat: "No one cares that you're here. Ain't nobody coming inside! No. Just no."
RB: "Come on, I know you love me!"
GC: "Please, to your single ugly self, why are you here? You're just like every other loner, wallowing in their filth. Remember, nobody loves you on any other day of the year either!"
RB: "I just wanted to say that I have chocolate."
GC: "Oh really, in that case....Everyone sucks. You just suck less."
RB: "Really?"
At this point, he was the same idiot that always saw everything as a compliment.
GC: "Leave."
Suddenly, he broke through the doggy door. Standing up, he slowly came closer, and leaned in for a kiss, as I turned my head, and came to look into his eyes. My heart fluttered as I leaned in.
AND THANK GOD I WOKE UP THEN AND THERE!
That went from me being proud of my consciousness, (and my attitude torwards the situation), to me screaming at my mind for even daring to conjure such a...nightmare.
Like I said. A nightmare of a holiday.
To all those single cats like me, if anyone gives you a box of chocolates next year, be prepared to give them a high five. In the face. With a chair.
So voila. There is my nightmare of a holiday, as if it wasn't nightmarish enough.
GRUMPY CAT PRESENTS:
The Therapist
T: So Grumpy, why are you here??
GC: I had a nightmare.
T: In what manner??
GC: For God's sake, I was almost kissed on Valentine's Day. In my dream. It was awful. Never in my life have I been so disappointed in my consciousness. It was truly a traumatic experience.
T: That is...uh....well...I'm not.... Your sure your not on any medication??
GC: Yes.
T: That's the problem.
YOU ARE READING
The Life Of a Grumpy Cat
HumorI hate Mondays. And the internet. But that doesn't mean a cat like me doesn't want to share my horror story. A.K.A. my life.
