Poems and Emotions™

Living For A Change.

Sweaty palms and anxiety's screams transitioning to little thoughts.
You're going to disappoint him.
Why can't I get it together?
Standing tall and confident.
Immediately sitting back down on the bed, yet again.
He's going to laugh at you.
You'll mess everything up.
He comes back to the room.
Eyes shoot back to scraped cuticles.
Motivational mumbles are cut short.
Say it.
I can't.
There I go again.
Bottled up again.
A question is left unanswered.
Shrugging it off like I don't know.
I really don't know.
I don't say it enough.
I need to say it more.
A strong muttered curse words under my breathe as I stub my toe on the way to the bathroom.
I sit down on the closed lid.
I don't even have to go.
Thoughts.
Conversations and going home.
Old habits return.
Trying again.
Another chance to do it right.
Elongated texts sent while he's asleep followed by an apology in the morning.
I think I'm okay with it.
For once in my time of experiencing these things I'm okay with it.
I'm okay with not being okay.
I'm strong.
I'm not letting my problems hold me back.
I'm going to live my life.