It was only one-sided love until Jonathan came and turned everything upside down.
December 24, 2008
Christmas Eve and yet the whole place seems to be missing the holiday spirit. With almost all of the soldiers gone home for the holidays the whole military camp seemed to be ripped off of energy and strength. Summer loves the holidays, I don’t quite see at first how much fun you can actually get just by sipping hot cinnamon cider and eating dinner with the rest of your family and friends. Not until that one particular Christmas Eve when Jonathan was invited. It was that Christmas Eve of our first year in highschool.
I find it irritating really, when people assume that Summer and I will be together forever. I haven’t even thought about it. She’s so childish and immature at times. And she doesn’t seem to care about how she looks. She’s beautiful, with that smiling eyes, her perfectly shaped nose and thin lips but she is the opposite of my ideal girl.
She’s always irritating and nosy. She won’t leave me alone. She nags all the time and she wants a blow by blow description on how my day went. I hate it when my mother goes on like, “Harry please join Summer for dinner.” “Harry please stop going to school for awhile to accompany Summer as she enter highschool.” For once I wanted to be free from her.
I thought being free from her was going to be farfetched until the day it wasn’t.
“I’m sorry you have to stop for one year.” I hate it when she sounds as if I was blaming her, but I tried to control it.
“It’s not your fault.” I answered. I remembered seeing Celine that very moment. Seeing her with that yellow strapped ID makes me feel so left out. And she is actually having fun even without me.
She walked faster and made me stop on my tracks when she was suddenly infront of me. “Seriously Harry, I really am sorry.”
That’s the time I lost it. “My world doesn’t revolve around you Summer. And I’m sick and tired of following you all the time! I can’t stand it! Sure it was a little bit pleasant then, but people change! And I hate it that I cannot change because of you! One sorry isn’t going to change that, if you really mean it then stay out of my life!”
She did. She would go through every tunnel just to show her love for me.
She stayed far away from me as possible, that’s how I met Jonathan. It is nice to have someone of your own kind, whom you can share the things you can’t share with your parents. With Stephan attending Drama Class I’m lucky to have found someone like him.
While Summer was busy being alone and avoiding me, I made friends with Jonathan and told him that one thing Summer never knew.
“It’s pissing me off bigtime! I can’t even spend time with Celine.” It was PE that time, the girls are busy playing chess while we guys sweat it all out playing basketball.
“Why would you want to spend time with Celine when you already have Summer?”
You see Celine is different. She dreams of becoming successful, dreams of going out of our town and country to experience new things. Summer's only dream is to live simply.
“We’re not really a couple.” Celine is the entire opposite of Summer, she is pretty in a matured way. And she is somewhat reserved like I am. Summer never knew we started dating secretly. I guess Jonathan never really told her. Because if she did, she will probably break down and it will slowly eat her way inside.
The time Christmas came Summer invited Jonathan to our annual celebration at Lorraine’s manor. Celine and I didn’t work out all the way up to Christmas. It seems like we are too much alike, too much alike that it becomes lifeless. That everything became dull to the point that we don't even fight.
I was conscious on how well Summer treated Jonathan that night. How she always offers him something to eat, how she always look at him during conversations making sure that he isn’t left out, how she always smile and laugh at his silly little jokes.
That’s when it hits me that I actually miss her. That I actually do care about her. All the while she was there but all I ever did was to push her away.
I remember walking towards Jonathan that night, glad that Summer was somewhere out of hearing range.
“Having a great time?” I said with a tinge of sarcasm.
"I think I'm falling in love with Summer." It was Jonathan's words that made me realize how much I don't want to see Summer with anyone else but me.
“You are aware that she likes me right?” I’m certain that it was my own fault letting Summer slip away like that. But I can’t obviously just give her to someone just because I made a mistake.
He just smirked and walk away. Then one hour later I saw him alone with Summer. I edged in a lot closer to hear their conversation.
“I think I’m starting to…” he was about to tell something when Summer cried.
“I can’t stand it. I can’t stand avoiding him all the time. I don’t even know how he’s doing.” I know that she is talking about me my heart started to beat faster and faster on having to realize that even if I caused her so much pain, all she ever thought about was me.
“Summer you…”
“Don’t touch her!” I said pushing Jonathan’s hands away from Summer’s shoulders.
“Really? You care about her now?”
I didn’t answer but my fist is still tightly clenched my fingers almost bruising my palm.
“You know you don’t deserve her! Fight with me! To prove who’s really worthy of her.”
I was about to punch him in the face when Summer screamed stop. I slowly dropped down my fist and so did he.
"I'd rather if you punch me square on the face."Jonathan said with nothing but remorse written in his face.
"Wouldn't it hurt more if I didn't? Since it's already obvious who won?" I raised my hand that is holding Summer. With that one last look at our friendship I turned away and left, grabbing Summer away as if he is venom that can poison her.
“You shouldn’t have done that.”
“I’m sorry.”
She didn’t answer though her face doesn’t show any signs that she’s mad. It was that night when I confessed to her with these same words I am writing her, to make up for the times I’ve hurt her and to make up for the times she felt lonely.
Today is Christmas Eve, the loneliest I've ever felt. I pulled out the locket and look at the picture inside it. How could I ever push her away? How could I ever think that she is not enough? How could I ever think that her dreams are simple when it involves the both of us.
Quote
Summer,
I am quite confused why many people are blinded by the gloominess autumn gives. Why so many people loved it so much seeing their whole surroundings wither. Why do you love autumn so much? Is it because I told you it was my favorite?
I knew it.
It’s quite lonely without you here, but the locket makes up for everything. I miss you so much.
And you should know, I think it will be amazing to spend the first day of spring with you. Since I think both of you are so much alike. So full of fun, so filled with life. I love it how much hope spring can bring. Seeing those trees and flowers bloom meant that it’s getting closer and closer to seeing you. I miss you more than you'll ever know. I promise I'll try to be home by New Year. Wait for me by the platform okay?
I love you. You are my spring.
Love,
Harry
