Missing Joshua | Book 2 (SEVENTEEN)

1 - Again

4 Years Later

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There are some people, that - no matter how hard you try - you just can't forget.

Then again, sometimes it's to be expected. When your mind constantly revolves around a single person for a good few years of your teenage life, you don't really forget them in a hurry.

You just move on with your life.

You grow up, you discover your potential, your personality develops, you... change.

... So what am I doing here?

---

Little maknae Lee Chan had grown taller. If we both stood up right now, I bet he'd tower over me.

"Noona, why do you wear a mask? I want to see your beautiful face." Dino says sadly, as he signs his Seventeen Encore Concert photo that I had brought to him.

Wow, this kid has got smooth.

I shake my head, and pretend to be super shy. "Aniya."

Dino looks so different now, compared to the concert photo I'd brought for him to sign. His eyes look less mischievous, and more mature. His cheekbones and jawline are sharp and defined. Of course I'd seen recent photos of Dino online, but I still remember the pre-debut Dino from years ago. The little Dino that had answered the door when I went knocking on Seventeen's dorm, barely having saved up the courage to return Joshua's jacket to him.

... That was a long time ago.

"Noona has really nice eyes." Dino sighs, and tilts his head at me.

Who does this kid think he is? I know this is a fansign, and that boy group members have to say these kinds of things, but seriously?

The girl kneeling beside me finally shuffles over, and I move away from Dino with a shy bow of my head.

Ahh, up next, Hansol Vernon Choi.

"Please address to 'Noona.'" I ask in Korean, as I hand over Vernon's photo with both hands.

"'Noona?'" Vernon cracks a grin. "Are you Noona? You look so young."

... Jinja. I want to roll my eyes. Instead, I nod, and subtly reach a hand up to my mask, making sure it's in place and hasn't slipped.

Vernon deftly signs the photo, and hands is back to me. "Noona, your accent... It sounds a little American?"

Damn it. "I studied in America for a few years," I laugh, nervously.

"Daebak, awesome," Vernon rests his chin in one hand and leans closer. "Where did you study?"

My confidence suddenly drops into my shoes. "Oh, nowhere special." I laugh it off. "Vernon-ah, link hands?"

We linked hands and he told me how lovely my eyes were, and pulled out compliment after compliment to the point where my head started to spin. This kind of fluffy nonsense makes me cringe, but I put up with it. I feel grateful when the girl on my right finally moved on.

I'm not sure if I'm actually ready for this moment.

~

Jisoo had been named one of the most handsome faces in South Korea, and I totally agreed, but now that I'm kneeling across the table from him, I can really see why.

His sleepy eyes haven't changed, but they hold a new level of intensity that I hadn't noticed before. His face seems sharper somehow. His lips have the same curvy expression from years before. Joshua Hong had become a South-Korean superstar.

I had barely graduated from university.

... What am I doing here, again?

"Please sign, 'To Amy.'" I ask, quietly.

He smiles. My heart cracks. "Amy is a beautiful name."

...

... This pabo.

My train of thought is spontaneously derailed at the sound of his voice. It's still so soft.

"Please, can we speak in English? I'm an American student." I hold my shaking hands together to try and calm them.

His eyes light up, and he smiles gently. "Of course! That's awesome. Where in America are you studying?"

I'm mesmerized by his long fingers as he swiftly signs his name over his photo. I just want to reach out and hold them. "Uh, nowhere special," I echo.

He finishes his sign, then looks straight at me. His eyes lock straight onto mine.

... Does he recognize me? I mean, my mask is covering most of my face, but...

"Amy, your hands are shaking. You don't have to be shy," he smiles warmly, and holds out one hand, his elbow on the table, his fingers gently outstretched.

"... Sorry." Underneath my mask, my face is on fire. I put my hand into his, and as his fingers curl over mine, I can feel my last heart string break away.

Hong Jisoo makes me feel so unbelievably fed up with myself; yet at the same time, I want nothing more than to throw my arms around him tight, and never let him go.

It's been 4 years since we last held hands. My feelings haven't changed at all. So why does it feel like this is the first time?

"What makes you come all the way to South Korea?" Joshua asks me, calmly. He's become quite the professional charmer. My hand has stopped shaking now that he's holding it. He tilts his head to one side, trying to meet my gaze, but I'm stubbornly avoiding his eyes. I can't focus on what to say when I do.

Also, I know that he's met thousands of girls over the years, but... Has he honestly forgotten me?

How many secret sweethearts has he had since we last met?

"Oh, a few reasons. I've always dreamed of coming to a Seventeen fansign. I've been a Carat since the first generation, and I think it's time to put my membership to use."

"Since the first generation? Wow." The corners of his mouth tilt upwards. His eyes are so deep and warm. I want to live in them. "Thank you so much for following Seventeen for all these years."

"Oh, no. Thank you for being Seventeen, for all this time. You've made so many fans and people happy by doing what you do." Wow, did I really just manage that whole sentence? My breathing feels a little shaky.

"We feel honored. Thank you." Joshua slowly waves our hands from side to side. "What were your other reasons for coming? Are there any places you want to visit?"

"Well, actually, there's this tiny park in Gangnam that I want to visit." I wonder, out loud. "I used to go there a lot when I was younger. One of my best friends used to go there, too. I guess I feel a bit mad." I force myself to meet his eyes. "He told me that one day, he would come and find me."

With my free hand, I slowly pull my mask away from my ears. I slowly put it in my pocket, and - even though my heartbeat is racing and my breathing is shaky - my next words are spoken clearly and casually.

"... And he never did."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

< 안녕하세요! Anon here. Thank you so much for reading~! Missing Joshua hasn't ended yet! Please anticipate~!

It's early spring where I live, and it's been snowing this week. Wherever you live, please keep warm and stay safe and happy. ^^ Anon x >