under the mask [ a Kylo Ren fanfiction ]

Chapter 20

~What happens now is after The Force Awakens. Therefore I have no sources or anything to back it up, this is now purely my story.~

Kylo Ren

The nightmares were the worst, they were starting to become hallucinations, he couldn't run away from them even when he was awake. Every where he looked Ren saw his father. He could feel his  presence in everything that he did, even in something as small as breathing. 

His eye had some what healed from the encounter with Rey. It still hurt to keep them open a particular amount of time. The medics in the infirmary had done a good job so far, he suspected that by time he left there would be even more improvement.

Ren was still flabbergasted at Rey's power. He couldn't decide to fear it or admire it, at this point he had a strange mix of both. She had seen him kill his father, it was part of what drove her to the point of fully using her powers.

Ren winced as they wrapped his wound on his thigh. But some how the memory of how he got the wound was much more painful than the wound itself. Ren had grown up with Chewy, he was a member of their family. The older Ren had gotten the more they had drifted apart but it still didn't take that bond away completely. 

I deserved it. Ren thought bitterly, he didn't just think it, he knew it. He was a despicable human being, what kind of person kills their own father? He despised himself.

"Close your eyes please, sir," The medic said quietly. No doubt word had spread about what had happened, the ship was too quiet. It had been that way since he arrived yesterday morning. Many people had lost friends on that base, even the troopers couldn't deny the sadness of such a loss.  

Ren hadn't left the infirmary yet, but that didn't mean anything. He could feel  the change on the ship. The mood was different in everything. 

In the back of his mind Ren wondered if it was just because Lena had left or not. 

He closed his eyes, grimacing beneath the pain. The medic put an anesthetic around the cut that branched across his face, it burned like hell. Ren resolved not to scream or make any noise, normally he didn't care for anyone to see him angry, it helped scare people enough to respect him. But this time, he felt it would only be a sign of weakness. 

"I'm almost done, then you need to go back to room and rest. Two days will be adequate, but I recommend three," she said, lightly dabbing his face. He liked the medics, unlike the troopers they were picked specifically for their intelligence and nurturance. 

Meaning they were smart and actually gave a crap.

Someone grunted from across the room, Ren looked up, immediately regretting it. She hadn't quite gotten it all off. It burned even worse. "I'm sorry," the medic cried in horror, handing him a rag to dab his eyes. He didn't bother answering her, he was waiting for their visitor to speak.

"Three days?" Hux said trying not to sound too excited. 

"Yes, sir," the medic was blushing furiously, her hair was so light that Ren felt life he could see her blushing underneath her hair. Hux looked pleased, but with what Ren wasn't sure.

"I'll be sure to let the Supreme Leader know," he said firmly. While Ren couldn't help but dislike Hux, he was silently grateful for him saving his life. "Anything else?"

"No, sir," she said still blushing. 

Hux starred at her for moment then turned on his heal and left. Mentally, he told himself to figure out what that was about when he was better. 

The medic worked for a couple more minutes before finally finishing. "Do you want help walking back to your room?"

Ren bent over pulling clothes on, nothing fancy, they were very loose and comfortable. "I'm fine," he grumbled. He started to walk out, masking his limp as best as he could. "Thank you," he said just loud enough for her to hear. 

"Your welcome," the medic said equally as low. 

He shuffled down the halls, going slow but thankfully not running into anyone. The last thing he wanted was to be seen looking like this. They wouldn't see their ruthless leader, but someone who had been hurt.

The face of my son. Han's voice echoed in Ren's head. It sent chills down his spine, he could still feel his father's hand on his face. He could still feel his father's breath on his face. Ren tried to wish the feelings away but they always came back.

He rounded the last hallway, the trip that should have taken him less than five was already over fifteen. Ren wondered when Lena had left, if everything had gone okay. He knew she wasn't caught because he already would've been questioned about it. 

He wondered too much, knowing his questions would very likely not be answered. 

Ren jiggled the doorknob, it was locked. He cursed to hisself, then flicked his wrist willing the lock to turn with the force. The lock clicked and he swung the door open.

He expected the room the be empty... it was to his great surprise that it was not. 

"Lena.."