under the mask [ a Kylo Ren fanfiction ]

Chapter 26

Kylo Ren

His mind swam with Lena's confession. Ren didn't know what to say, he wasn't going to encourage her or discourage her either way. It certainly would be much easier if she did hate him, but he couldn't help the selfish part of him that wanted her to still care.

Lena got out of the shower a few minutes later, she seemed more herself. Telling him seemed to have lifted her own burden off of her chest. Ren lingered, he didn't smell the best right now and knew he needed the shower. 

"Are you feeling better?" Lena asked from the other side of the curtain while he peeled off the wet clothes.

Ren couldn't tell if she was actually wanting to speak to him or if she was just making small talk. "Yes, I went and worked out for a while this morning. I have to speak to the Supreme Leader and I wanted to be prepared for that." 

He rubbed the shampoo into his hair. Being clean was something that had always been important to him, it was like he could start over with a new slate. Lena didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, but it wasn't an awkward silence. He could feel her mulling over things.

"Are you nervous?" she asked. He paused at her words, letting the water wash the soap out of his hair. Of course he was nervous, he would be stupid to not be nervous. 

"Can you hand me a towel?" Ren answered with a sigh turning off the water. 

She threw a towel over the top of the curtain, he wrapped it around his waist and stepped out of the shower. "You're dodging the question, Ben." Her hair was tied up in a single braid that was dripping water on the floor. She looked exhausted, but intense all the same.

He ducked out of the bathroom and her glare to find his clothes. His closet didn't have a wide variety, the same thing every day. Ren pulled on the black pants as Lena walked in. She leaned against the door flame with her arms crossed. He sighed, somewhat hoping she become reclusive again. 

"Yes," he said finally letting his toga styled top fall over his shoulders. The material was soft but strong, it was one of the many things he liked about it.

"Yes?" Lena asked crossing the room and sitting on the bed. 

"Yes," Ren said firmly sitting down next her. He like the monotony of getting ready, there were simple steps. You always had to put socks on, shoes on, it was so predictable, nothing would surprise him. He hated surprises. "I have to leave."

Ren picked up the helmet starring at it. Hux had brought it by the day before, it was perfectly clean and polished. A new helmet to replace the other which had been destroyed on Starkiller Base. It seemed only fitting. He felt different, something had changed in him. Somethings had been broken, somethings had been fixed. Ren took a deep breath and let the helmet hide this new him.

"I'll be back in a little bit," his voice came out in it's metallic form.

Lena nodded, inspecting him. They weren't on the best terms and Ren knew he couldn't fix them. They were long past fixing. But even so, she gave him a small smile and said,  "Good luck." 

~~~

The walk to see the Supreme Leader didn't last long enough. Time normally crawled by in a sickly slow manner, but today Ren blinked and he was standing at the door. He could feel Snoke's presence on the other side of the door and for the first time in a long time Ren wasn't scared to open the door.

"Supreme Leader," Ren bowed low to Snoke upon seeing him. His presence was completely different from when it was in hologram form. It was very commanding and cold, it made Ren stand up straighter before him.

"Lord Ren," Snoke said. "I was afraid I would find you in a weak state, and yet here you are seemingly stronger than the last time I saw you. I'm impressed." Ren was tall, but Snoke was even taller. He towered over top of him. 

"I dare say we can attribute this to what you were able to accomplish on Starkiller Base," Snoke said calmly pacing around the room. He didn't pace because he was uncomfortable, he did it to unnerve Ren. Ren couldn't think of a time that he had ever seen Snoke nervous, he was always unworldly calm.

Ren's shoulders tensed, he did his best to hide it. He knew whatever was different about him, it didn't have anything to do with him murdering his father. Ren had and would never gain anything from that except for the guilt that still weighed him down. 

"I'm proud of what you did," Snoke said from behind him. His voice curling in whispers around the room like a snake's hiss. 

"Thank you, sir." Ren said, keeping his own voice neutral. "I appreciate you coming in person."

"It is necessary to complete your training." 

"My training, sir?" Ren turned around to see him. He knew that he had never really had a complete training, but Ren just assumed he never needed it. He had grown dramatically in the past months on his own. 

"Yes, you no longer have any ties to your former life. Nothing is holding you back now. You can fully reach your maximum potential." Snoke smiled sinisterly. "You have rid yourself of anything holding you back. You can fully honor your grandfather and even achieve what he failed to do."

Ren stepped back, suddenly feeling sick. Snoke didn't notice and continued on. "That was Vader's mistake. He let his children live, he let them draw him back to the light. But you Kylo Ren, will rise higher than Vader ever could have."