Diary ng Kristiyano

Testimony #8

I was born in a Christian family. Simula bata pa ako, dinadala na ako palagi ni Mama sa simbahan. Simula bata, alam ko na ang iba't ibang storya na nasa Bible. I received Christ as my Savior when I was yet 9 years old (year 2005). But you see, receiving Christ is not a joke. I received Him before na kaunti lang ang nalalaman ko. We receive Christ by faith, not by our own knowledge.

When I was in my first year in High School, I started to get curious on how my life would be if I'll do wordly things. I started wanting to do things that I'm not supposed to do. I learned to drink alcohol and to party at night.

I am a Christian. I know what is right and what is wrong. But people change. I was changed.

There is a part of me that I committed the biggest mistake of my life.

I had once in a relationship. A relationship na hindi mo aakalain na papasukin ng isang Kristiyano na katulad ko. I had a girlfriend— yes, she's a lesbian. I believed that she was the only one who's there for me. I thought she's the only one who loves me. She was there when my family wasn't around. She comforted me everytime I am in distress. She had became the source of my strength.

Yes, I loved her so much. As I was loving her, I had forgotten that there is a man who can be at my side whether I am happy or not. I loved her so much to the point I had neglected my Savior, my Father, my Creator.

Everytime na pumupunta ako sa simbahan namin, puro guilt lang yung nararamdaman ko. Sa mga sermon ng Pastor namin, palagi akong natatamaan. Kapag nagdadasal ako, isa lang talaga ang palagi kong sinasabi sa Panginoon. "Lord, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm so sorry." Pero minsan, naisip ko rin na parang hindi ako sincere sa bawat paghingi ko ng tawad. Bakit? Kasi pagkatapos kong humingi ng tawad, pagkatapos ko magsimba, uuwi pa rin ako doon sa kasalanan ko.

I can say na isa akong Carnal Christian noon. Kilala ko nga ang Diyos pero yung sarili kong kagustuhan pa rin ang nasusunod. When I was in that relationship, I wasn't blessed anymore. My life became a mess. A mess where I thought I couldn't fix it anymore.

I have changed.

We were one year in our relationship already noong nag-away kami ng girlfriend ko. We fought because of wattpad. I am a writer, she is a student. It was not the first time na nag-away kami dahil sa wattpad. Ayaw nya na kaharap ko ang wattpad kapag kasama ko sya. So we had deal na kapag magkasama kami, walang cellphone muna. So the day had came. From school, dumiretso sya sa bahay namin. We do the usual things. Noong naghapon na, she asked me na matulog muna kami. So she slept. Hindi ako inaantok sa oras na yun kaya I've decided na magbasa nalang muna ng wattpad, since tulog naman sya, kaya naisip ko baka okay lang. Minutes passed by, naramdaman kong nagising sya. Tapos bigla nalang sya nagalit. I even asked sorry pero hindi sya nakinig. To make it short, I ended up punching our door. Umuwi sya nun as I was crying inside my room. Ten minutes after, I received a text from her saying, "Sige, unahin mo na yang wattpad mo. Ganito naman na tayo palagi, eh. Don't worry, hindi mo na ako makikita pa. I guess this is over now." I cried so much that night.

Two weeks after, nagkaroon na naman ako ng engkwentro sa kanya. We fought over a girKafling nya 'to. She asked kung bakit ko raw sila pinapakialaman, where in fact, wala akong ginawa sa kanila. I tried to get rid of her since naghiwalay kami tapos, BOOM! Aawayin nya ako bigla. What's worse was she persecuted me. "Ganyan ba ang isang Kristiyano? Hindi ka tunay na Kristiyano, you're just acting like one, but you are not! Walang Christian na nananakit ng damdamin ng iba!" she told me. That really broke my heart. I didn't cry nung sinabi nya sakin na hindi na nya ako mahal or whatsoever. I cried when she told me that.

Then my own realizations came. I ignored God for someone who will just leave me after I sacrifice my own faith. I neglected God who continually loves me when I had loved someone else. That night, I asked God to forgive me. And that very moment, I have felt the joy and peace in my heart.

You see, God will always be faithful in our lives even if we're not. God is always loving even we fail Him a lot of times. Pero alam mo ba kung ano ang mas maganda sa kanya? He never counts your mistakes. . . for He has forgiven you from your past, present and future sins. That's how loving God is.

When he promised us in Hebrews 13:5b, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you," He remained true to His words. Noon pa man, I've always kept that promise in my heart. And see, I have proven that God will never leave us, nor forsake us.

Ngayon, I freely serve God na wala nang kahit anong dinadalang mabigat sa dibdib ko. I'm an active youth officer in our church and part of the Praise and Worship Team. :)

May mga panahon talaga na ang dami nating hinahanap sa mundong ito. Naghahanap tayo ng "true love" where in fact, may Diyos tayong nagmamahal satin ng tunay at buong-buo. The only thing we can do is to ACCEPT CHRIST AS OUR SAVIOR AND LORD, SEEK GOD'S KINGDOM FIRST, and all things shall be added unto us.

1 John 4:7-8 (KJV)
"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone who loveth was born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."

- BERN

02/25/16

A/N
God is merciful. He forgives each stain na meron tayo. But we all know how God punished Sodom and Gomorah. Today's generation, napaka-open nang mga tao sa ganitong klasing relationship. But sana maging iba tayo, maipakita natin sakanila ang true-faith natin. Just like Bern, she got into a wrong decision. But I guess, she knew what's right. I hope and believe that throughout this, something is trying to win her away from that - Holy Spirit. Yes, lahat po tayo nagkakamali. Lahat tayo may wrong decisions sa buhay natin. Pero lagi po tayong may choice to do what's right. Get involve with the ministry, get involve with God. Kasi pag fulfilled ka with his Words, He'll direct you.

Let us not be fooled by "nobody loves me". God loves you, your family does. At sana wag nating lokohin ang sarili natin at paniwalain na tama ang ginagawa natin. Na mayroon naman tayong malalim na dahilan para dito. Ang mali ay mali padin po kahit i-sugarcoat pa natin.

Accept our faults and repent everything to God. After that, wag mong gawing hindrance yon para hindi mo siya paglingkuran. Dahil magsisimula mong tanungin ang sarili mo kung worthy kaba para paglingkuran siya. Lahat tayo is unworthy, but he is worthy with all our service and praise. Rather, gawin mong reason yon to serve him more! Gawin mong starting point yon na mahalin siya lalo kasi napaka deserving niya. Na even on your worst situation and even though you turned your back from him - He forgives you.

03/08/16