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Toxic friends & not so toxic pills

HELLO! I FORGOT THAT I PROMISED TO UPDATE TODAY BUT I'M GONNA MAYBE TRY TO WRITE THE WHOLE CHAPTER TODAY?! I DUNNO BUT I HAVE COFFEE SO I'LL TRY MY BEST!! Also thank you so much for all the support, it means more to me than you know. AlSO I MADE MY NAME LILO IN THIS CAUSE THATS MY WATTPAD USERNAME BUT PEOPLE IRL PLEASE DONT CALL ME THAT 

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    Jane knew a lot about me. I would say everything, but there's one thing that only Winter and Imani knew. I was becoming depressed. I was suicidal and saw no point in living anymore. I wanted to tell Jane but I just didn't feel close enough with her yet, plus I was getting enough help from my other best friends. 

     One day I was hanging out with Jane and she was drunk. This wasn't unusual and I didn't think much of it. We were in my neighborhood and about to hop a wall to get into her neighborhood(which was a part of our daily routine, I'd put my stuff in my house as soon as we got off the bus then we'd go to her house and she'd do the same) when a lady came up to us and asked if I was Lilo. I was going to say no and just continue walking, but before I could answer Jane looked at me and said "Lilo what the fuck did you do?" obviously I couldn't lie now. The lady was Mexican and had short curly brown hair. I had never seen her before in my life, but she seemed very mad at me. She started walking off and motioned for me to follow behind her, I tried to just hop the wall anyways but Jane pushed me towards the woman and whispered for me to go. The woman went to the sidewalk by her house so Jane and I sat down on the steps leading up to the house across from hers, facing her house. We were only inches away from her. I zoned out while Jane was talking to the lady. About 10 minutes later I realized that the lady was yelling at me saying that I had called her child a slut. I tried to defend myself by saying that I never did that but she yelled at me not to interrupted her. After a few minutes of that she went inside to aid a crying child of hers. As soon as she couldn't see me anymore i got up to leave, when Jane followed behind me and said "where do you think you're going?" 

"were going to your house", I said confused as to why she didn't understand that already

"you got yourself into this, you can't just cause problems then run away from the consequences of them" she snapped at me 

"I never did anything anything, and even if I did it's not okay for some random adult to yell at a child and not give them a chance to defend themselves. I've never even met her kids before, they're fucking liars" I could hear my voice crack as I said this, I hoped she didn't notice. I couldn't handle being yelled at. It always made me cry

"how do I know you're not the liar?" 

  As soon as she said this I could feel the tears slip out and I ran towards my house so she wouldn't see me cry. When I got home I checked my phone to see that I had 43 texts.

boo (Jane): You're such a slut, I never liked you anyways. I only hung out with you to make Imani happy

boo (Jane): No one likes you tbh

boo (Jane): why cant you just be a normal person? lmao youre  too annoying

boo (Jane): plus youre a fucking slut

boo (Jane): you should just go kill yourself, no one would miss you

FAVORITE BFF (Imani): I dont wanna be friends w/ u anymore you cause problems 

unknown number: kill your self you worthless bitch 

unknown number: no one likes you

And tons more. I was crying so much more at this point. On instinct I went to call Imani but then I remembered her text. I tried to call Winter but she didn't answer. I thought maybe it's a good thing she didn't answer. Maybe I'm supposed to kill myself, maybe it's just what's meant to happen I went into the medicine cabinet in my moms bathroom and pulled out all of her prescription pills. I turned on the shower so no one would suspect anything. There were about 10 bottles in my hands and I started taking a handful of each one. I went through about 3 when I passed out. I woke up about a half an hour later. I felt so shitty, I was about to continue taking the pills when I heard my phone ringing. It was Winter calling me back. I answered and put the pills back, not telling her what had happened. She still to this day had no idea about this happening. I planned on trying again later, because I felt so worthless. I felt even worse after not even being able to kill myself right. I was throwing up all night, which I was oddly happy about because it meant I wouldn't have to go to school the next day. I was not looking forward to school, I knew Jane would turn everyone at the bus stop against me. None of them liked me anyways, if any of them ever talked to me it was because I was with her or because they new i was associated with her and they wanted me to say nice things about them to her. They were like her minions, it was disgusting. I didn't understand why they liked her anyways, she was awful. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~WOAH THAT BROUGHT BACK FEELS. I did it I finished on Tuesday!! Yay I actually did what I said I would for once. I had to cancel plans with someone so I could write, that's commitment right there. Im sorry that this was kinda short, the next chapter will be longer I promise. I also wanna say that the next one will be less emotional, but I dunno. Something great happens, like one of the best things thats ever happened to me happens, but also one of the worst things. So I dunno you'll just have to read it and find out. It will be up BEFORE Friday, I promise