The Sunflower Doll

Mother memories

"Kanako don't give up,okay ?"

"I hate Japanese literature."

She looked at me, taken aback by my straight-forwardness.

"Ah now Kanako, don't cry , i'll help you with this," she said while patting my head.

I bit my lip, trying to hold the incoming tears that was threatening to come out.

"Mom......" It was amazing how she could always see through my mask.

"I can't do this......" I whimpered.

Evening sunlight poured out of the window, shining upon the unfinished essay sitting on my desk.

Well I would say 'unfinished', but it was more like 'just started'. Since the contents of the essay consist of :

The................__________blank__________________________________________________blank ______________________blank _______________blank ___________________.

BLANK. That's the state of my mind right now.

It was fustrating really, I was good in all the subjects at school, English, science, maths, history, you name it. But I just can't get the hang of literature!!! I mean, im good in everything but my own language ??!!!! It was humiliating really seeing a transfer student in our school from America having better marks then me, me a 100% Japanese girl. Haha, wait till father hears about this, ill surely have a good nice lecture from him.

"Don't wanna do this anymore..." I muttered.

"Right!" my mother stood up and strode to the kitchen.

"What will it be then, strawberry tea or black coffee?" she called to me as she tied her long flowy golden hair in preparation to cook dinner for us. 'Us' meaning my father and me, if he doesnt come back in the middle of the night again that is.

"Strawberry coffee." I stated, as I joined her in the kitchen.

"What?" she laughed while ruffling my short, straight, raven hair. "Sometimes, I just don't know what to do with your eccentric tastebuds, Kanako."

"Eccentric?" I cocked my head to the side, face still indifferent.

"Weird."

"Who?"

"You."

"No."

"Yes."

"Fine, i'll have coffee then."

"No."

"What?! why ?"

"Gotcha," she winked at me.

"Humph!" I pouted. I AM NOT amused. Not amused at all.

But it was little arguments like these that I treasured the most after she died.

Wait. What ? When did she died ? I'm still a twelve year old girl with a living, breathing mother, right ? Wait. Twelve? I thought I was 18 turning 19.

Suddenly, everything turned blurry, and gradually it turned into darkness. Black. Not that kind of blueblack or greyblack or whatever, just blackblack. Then, I could feel the sensation of gravity pulling me upwards to god knows where.

Wait, this just means-

BEEP

That I'm-

BEEP BEEP

I'm-

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Black eyes shot wide open just too close back tightly as the white florescent light hit them.

"Aaaaaaaaarrggghhh......" I groaned softly.

I could feel an insistent pounding at my head and groaned again.

This just means, that I'm......

That I'm not dead.

Shit.