I grabbed my laptop and found a cosy spot on the sofa and switched it on. There we go again. This was my daily routine: to check my emails, social media, and the news. I actually got extremely used to being bombarded with emails and likes and comments on my social media, I just immediately go on autopilot.
Most of my comments are by Swifties saying how much they love me, praising me, commenting positive things. It just makes me so happy. Without them supporting me every step of the way, I definitely wouldn't have made it so far. They are my pillar of strength - they cheer me up in my worst times, they make everything better.
I wasn't even the one that named my fans 'Swifties'.
The cute thing is, they named themselves.
I opened the news and there I was again, more like there we were there again. We've been on the headlines for the past few months, "BREAKING NEWS: Singer Taylor Swift is getting married to DJ Calvin Harris in a month". Don't people get tired of hearing the same headline over and over again for months?
I guess that's what happens when reporters have nothing else to write about.
No juicy story, no break-ups, no rumours.
They end up having to recycle old headlines.
I pity them, really.
A thought struck my mind,What would the headlines be if it was him instead?
"Playgirl Taylor Swift gets back with ex-boyfriend and is getting married in a month!" or "Will Lautner's heart be broken once again by Swift?"
No.
I shouldn't even be thinking about him. At all. It didn't matter what the headlines would say, me and him are never ever getting back together: well at least there is a 99.9% chance that we won't be dating again. He has moved on, I have too, and I am getting married in a MONTH and i should not he focusing on him, but Calvin instead. I don't love him anymore, I love Calvin.
Well, at least it appears so.
I remember when Lautner and I decided to end things. I hurt his heart badly, I'm actually not sure if he has forgiven me. That relationship, it took alot of time, sacrifice, love, understanding and patience. It was like nurturing a plant: you have to water it daily, trim it's dead leaves, ensure it gets all the sunlight it needs. Just that it wasn't that easy.
He gave me all he could,
yet I never appreciated it.
I didn't give him all of me,
I gave him half of me.
Truly, that wasn't enough to keep things going.
He gave me roses, but I left them there to die.
Sometimes, I honestly wish I could turn back time, and maybe do everything I can to sustain the relationship.
But time can't turn back.
I owe him an apology, I really do.
But i haven't seen him in seven years, how am I supposed to say the words I've been hiding all this while?
Even if I did swallow my pride and apologise, what makes me so sure that he will forgive me?
I wasn't confident at all.
But if we would somehow meet again, I'll say what I always wanted to say, no matter if he forgives me or not, I have to say it.
I owe him.
And if fate brings us together again, I'll know our paths were meant to cross.
But until then, I'll just have to continue living with the guilt that I've always had for my mistake that day.
I don't know why,
and I shouldn't be feeling this way,
but it just occurs to me that there may be this tiny,
tiny part of me,
that still loves him.
Somehow, I can't forget everything we went through, even after so many years. The smiles, the tears, everything.
It is so significant to me.
I just can't let those memories go,
No matter how hard I try.
They are precious,
like a diamond in the rough.
The hours passed in a daze. I had gotten texts from Karlie reminding me that we're meeting tomorrow to pick out a wedding dress.
I wonder what it would be like to wear a wedding dress.
I'm imagining that it'll be super special, something life-changing, something of my dreams.
Something that i'll never regret.
As I thought about tomorrow's events, i slowly drifted off into a deep sleep.
And I started dreaming about what me and him could have been.
***
A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! I know it isn't very good but It'll be highly appreciated if you would still vote/comment :)) For the Kaylor shippers, the next chapter is for you ^^
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Fanfiction[DISCONTINUED] It all started 7 years ago. A messy breakup, and feelings left behind. World renowned singer Taylor Swift is now engaged with Calvin Harris, and they are getting married soon. But Taylor's memories of her ex-boyfriend keep haunting he...
