Forever and Always (A Zayn Malik FanFiction AU)

Chapter Five

Zayn’s POV

I move myself gently from Reese’s sleeping body and make my way to the shower. I really don’t know what to do about this whole shrink thing. I mean I can’t remember anything from last night.  I step in the shower and let the hot water run on my body. I pick up some soap and wash myself off. I’m just letting the steam of the hot water relax me when I hear a loud bang. I pull the shower curtain aside and try to listen for it again, but get nothing.  I close the curtain again and feel the water run over my skin when I hear it again, but this time it’s closer. And it sounds like gunshots. The noise keeps getting louder and when I hear a loud scream I run out of the shower grabbing a towel and into the bedroom.

“Reese!” I yell and she jumps up.

“What?”

“Are you okay! Did you hear that?” My heart is still pounding against my chest and I clutch it trying to catch my breath.

“Hear what Zayn? You’re scaring me.”

“I... I heard gunshots. And... And a scream ...And I thought...” I blink my eyes a few times and see Reese get out of bed and wrap me into a tight embrace.

“Zayn there were no gunshots. Or screams. Everything is fine babe.” She lays her head on my chest but I can feel myself shaking.

“But I heard them Reese! I heard it as clear as day.”

“I know Zayn but there was nothing. I think you should get dressed and we can find you a therapist.” She gives me a quick kiss before going to her room to change.

That was real. I’m not crazy. Right? I’m having a conversation with myself right now so I think that could be means to plead insanity. I go through my clothes  that I brought over to Reese’s place and throw something on, not really caring about how I look. Reese comes back into the room with a warm smile and takes my hand in hers.

We get in my rental car and drive to downtown Chicago. I’m guessing she already called this place because once we walked in we were greeted by whom I’m guessing is my future therapist.

“Hi my name is Clara.” She gives me a handshake and a smile.

“Just Clara? No doctor in front of it?” I ask and Reese slaps my arm.

“If you want to put a doctor in front of it than you can but I prefer keeping it on a first name bases. “ She lifts her eyebrow and I laugh.

“I like this one Reese.”

“Alright. How about we go in my office.” Clara smiles and walks to her office. Reese and I follow but when Clara stops walking we look confused. “I’m sorry Reese but you can’t come in here for the session. Policy.”

“Oh. Alright. I will wait out here.” Reese gives my hand a squeeze and I follow Dr. Clara to her office.

Dr. Clara sits down in a swivel chair and I sit opposite of her on the couch. She pulls out a notepad and scribbles something down before bringing her gaze back to me. She gives me a smile and I return it.

“Now Zayn why are you here?”

“Don’t you already know the answer to that?”

“I do but I need you too tell me.” She gives me another smile and I roll my eyes.

“My... Reese thinks I have post traumatic stress disorder.”

“And do you think you have post traumatic stress disorder Zayn?”

“I...” After earlier today I have no idea if I think I do or not. “Don’t know?”

“Well Zayn let’s go back to your time in the Navy.” I tense when she brings it up for some reason.

My time there wasn’t bad. It was fine. But one night. One horrible night when there was unfriendly fire. That night is permanently burned in my mind. The people screaming. The blood. The lives lost. It was that day that I knew I had to cut off communication with Reese. I would have hated myself if I died over there and she be waiting for me to come home when I never was.  That wouldn’t be fair to her. So I did what I did. She might see it as selfish whenever I decide to tell her but it had to be done.

“Zayn.” My head snaps up and I meet Dr. Clara’s concerned gaze.

“Sorry. I just...”

“Had a flashback?” I nod. “Do you get those a lot.”

“No, because I don’t think about my time over there.” I speak through gritted teeth.

“Well Zayn I’m here to help you. And sadly your time over there is playing a large part in how you are now that you’re not out at war.” She speaks like she’s knows it all.

“That is in my past.”

“Well your past is coming back a lot more now isn’t it? Being back with Reese is like something is triggering it right?”

“I don’t know why though.” I put my head in my hands and sigh.

“I think it is because you are trying to force things to be the way they were before you left for the Navy Seals but your mind won’t let it. You have to move on from that time. Not push it further behind your head.”

“I know. I know.” I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

“We can continue these sessions if you want Zayn. And whatever we say in here stays in here. Alright.” She stands from her chair and I do the same from the couch.

“Thanks.” We shake hands and I walk out of the office and am greeted by Reese’s arms around my neck and her lips against mine.

“I’m so proud of you.” She whispers in my ear and I give her a forced smile.

“Thanks babe. Let’s go home.” Her smile gets larger as we exit the building hand in hand.

I wish things could stay like this between us. But I know she will demand answers sooner or later. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to give them to her.