Help...

He made me worse

I fear rejection. All I've ever been was rejected. My family didn't want me my friends didn't want me, no one wanted me. I mean who wants a anti social, depressed, anxious girl? I try to get better, but when I try it only gets worse. My memories of once being happy, slowly drift away, and all I'm left in, is this deep dark abyss of sorrow.
When I think about it maybe I was just experiment number 3085694 of love. Another experiment gone wrong. When Brock and I started dating we were attached by the hip, everywhere I went he went. We spent so much time together just laughing and telling each other our deepest secrets. I would like to say that we were "GOALS", but how our relationship ended i wouldn't really say goals. We dated for 3 years. Which was quite a long time to me. We didn't actually break up, we just turned our backs on each other. We were so naive. I'd never forget that night. That was the night I lost myself. The night the darkness engulfed me whole. The night my hell began. The night I tried to take my own life.

"Soph open this door right now."
I sat in the corner of the bathroom stall thinking of everything I did wrong and why everything bad happens to me.
"If you don't come out I am coming in. I'm not afraid to crawl under this door soph. Don't underestimate me."
I chuckled a little when I pictured lex crawling underneath the stall door, given the fact that she's a germ freak.
"I'm coming under."
I watched as she lay paper towels all over the floor and reluctantly lay on them pulling herself into the stall. I laughed so hard for the first time in forever.
"This... Is not funny." She huffed
"Its quite funny to me."
Her frown went to a smile.
"Well as long as you're smiling, I've done my job. You know Soph, you don't need him. All he's ever done was hurt you. You're worth more than that. You don't have to keep going back to him. I just want to see you happy for once."
Maybe she was right. Maybe I should just forget about him. Every time Brock snaps his fingers I go running. What was wrong with me? Why am I so obsessed with him. He was my first love, but he's taken advantage of that. Its time for me to get revenge. He made me this way. He made me worse.
"Okay, but we're still going to his bonfire tonight."
"Well if you fall for that jack ass again soph..."
"I'm not. I'm going to get back at him."

The first paragraph is literally a diary entry I wrote. Honestly if you're suffering from depression or anxiety or both and you need someone to talk to you can just message me or leave a post on my wall because I know what its like to feel alone and think that no one is there for you. Depression is a serious matter but we can get through it together.