Tamed By Her Kindness [Completed]

Chapter One

-Throughout this story you might notice that most of Daughter's songs are included in here, the reason for this is because her lyrics speaks life into me during my dark times and because she's just brilliant. As you read my story, enjoy it as well as the music. 

As I walk through the gates of the school, within an instant all eyes are on me. It's been what? Three months? Had they not forgotten already? But then again, how could they? I killed the world's most sweetest girl and I got away with it. I had not forgotten. I can't forget. I loved her.

I sunk lower into my seat, lower than I already was. I could feel their eyes boring into the back of my head.
"Eyes on the board please." Said the man teaching this class. I lost any interest in my school work and I couldn't care less who the prick was standing in front of the class, because as they are standing there looking at me, the same thing runs through their minds, "how could they let him go? He's guilty." As he continued speaking, I blocked out everything , not hearing a single word for the rest of the day. I was barely walking the hallways, I even got kicked off the rugby team, our coach, Mr. van Reenan, said he'll reconsider when the next season starts. Whatever. I know he doesn't mean it.

The place I used to call home, is still as it was on the outside, but not on the inside. Words are lost in this place, we can't even stand to be in the same room anymore, especially outside, where it all happened.

~

I was waiting on her text, we had a date that afternoon. The text came through at the same time my friends came over. They wanted to watch the rugby match of The Stormers against the Blue Bulls. I told them could stay until the game finishes and that they should not even think of trying to raid my fridge. They had a tendency of doing that. As I left, they all hollered, "you're the man!" But, I'm more of a vessel now than anything, taking up precious oxygen.

She looked so beautiful standing by a shoe rack in Forever 21, scanning the heels with her piercing blue eyes, running her soft, pale fingers over each shoe. I couldn't believe she sent me here, but there I was, for her. She turned around and when her eyes met with mine, an electric current jolted me on the inside. I just wanted to lift her from her feet and never let go. Now, I wish I had.

~

There came a knock on my bedroom door, waking me from my thoughts, but I didn't move a muscle. I heard my mother sigh on the other side of the door. "You should eat." She said and left with the click-clack of her heels echoing throughout the house.

Everyone keeps telling me that it was an accident what happened. Everyone that is, my parents, the witnesses, my lawyer and it was even ruled as "involuntary manslaughter" or some other fancy term which made it all seem as if it was okay. Someone lost their life, someone I loved and it was all my fault. How can you live with yourself knowing someone will never live to see another day all because of you?

~

She couldn't stop smiling that day, it was the happiest I'd ever seen her. I asked her about it, while sat in a cosy corner at Mugg n' Bean in the V&A Waterfront. It was one of her favourite places in Cape Town. I couldn't believe when she told me the reason behind her smile.

She said that it was our two year anniversary. She wasn't even angry that I forgot, but she did make me promise that I would make it up to her. At that moment my mind went into overdrive. Picnic at the beach, under the moonlight. A brunch on Table Mountain. A day at Cape Point, she always wanted to go there.

We spent hours in Mugg n' Bean, talking, sipping, laughing, just being.

~

A second knock came, this time it was my father. He mentioned something about being late for school. Was it that time already?

I got up from my bed and drew back the white curtains. The morning sun reflected on the ocean water, I shielded my eyes, once my eyes adjusted to the light, I opened my eyes and I looked at the sea water. In some ways more than others, the sea always calmed me. Just the sight of it, could take my day down from a one to a ten. But lately, I took it for granted, barely noticing it.

"Kieran, you have to go, get out of this room and face the world." My father said. "He was doing so good the past two days." My mother said to him. "Come out of the room so we can talk." She said to me. I wouldn't open up to them even if they pinned me up a against the wall while holding a gun to my head. I'd gladly oblige, it is better than living. I'd even help pulling the trigger. "At least go to school." My father continued. "Let's give him the rest of the week off. It's difficult for him you know." She couldn't whisper even if her life depended on it. I didn't like them pitying me, so I opened the door and did something I hadn't done in three months. I smiled.

"It's okay, I'll get my own lift to school." My mother looked at me with moisture in her eyes and I knew she wanted to cry, but I broke eye contact with her, before I broke down too.

"I'll pick you up after school then." My father said sternly. I nodded and retreated back into my cave. I went into my en-suite and took a quick shower before phoning Louis.

"Yeah, I'll be there in five." Louis said. Good ol' Louis. The only one of my so-called friends who didn't abandon me, because he was there that day too.

David Guetta was playing on his stereo, Louis' favourite artist. The only music he ever played or would hear in his car was David Guetta. Normally, our conversations would be easy and funny, but things aren't normal anymore, anything but. I cranked up the volume until it couldn't anymore. Less talking, more David Guetta. Louis seemed to like it that way too, because he was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of 'Play hard'. A minute passed, I was so lost in my sad demeanor I didn't even hear Louis speaking to me. He turned down the music and cleared his throat.

"Man, I don't know how to say this, but I'll just spit it out." Ugh, another lecture. They even got to my best pal. " I can't see you like this Kieran, she's gone man, and nothing will bring her back. Look, I'm not telling you to forget about her, all I'm saying is, it was an accident so stop punishing yourself and come back to the real world please." I stared at him blankly and then I blocked him out too.

The rest of the day was a blur, except for the part where I landed up in the principal's office.

"Kieran, I hope you're listening to me." I looked at him and nodded. "Good, you're father asked me to keep an eye on you, to see if you're coping." "He did what?" I interrupted, rising from my chair. "Sit down Miller. Sit down." I did so and he continued speaking. I tried to stop listening, but nothing makes you stop listening to a grown man crying.

"She was my daughter." He stuttered. I was so wrapped up in my own suffering that I didn't even care to think about anyone else, not even her parents. "I'm sorry." Was all I could muster. I don't even know if I actually meant it.

"I know you are son, and I'm not blaming you and as much as I wish for it to be different, I'm just going to have to get used to the fact that my Emma is gone." At the mention of her name I cringed with longing and regret. He might say that he's not blaming me, but we all need someone to blame. It should be me. "If you need to talk," He said, walking me out of his office. "I'm here. You're not the only one who lost someone they loved."

Oh man, did I love her.