Dyke

Beautiful

I rolled up to school and stormed through the front doors. The room was silent as a motherfucker as soon as I walked in. I guess the news of my scars had spread. Everyone would avoid me now. How fucking cliche. I walked to my locker and angrily put in the combination hearing the whispers and feeling the stares.
As soon as my locker door opened, I noticed a piece of paper sitting irregularly at the bottom. I kneeled down and flipped open the note.
I gasped and bit my lip hard to stop the flow of tears ready to fall over my eyelids. There was a knife and a bottle of Excedrin pills in the piece of paper and with messy handwriting: Kill yourself, stupid bitch.
I slammed my locker shut, and spun around. I ran to the Principals office and pushed the door open, slamming it behind me.
"Oh hello, Ms. Cooper, I was just about to make an announcement for you to come down." "Someone left a fucking knife and pills with the words; Kill yourself you stupid bitch on it in my locker." I said, allowing the tears to fall. I plopped down in a chair, sobbing and staring into space.
"Ms. Cooper, we will take this into serious precaution. As of now I would like you to return home and relax. You don't need the stress of school right now." The principal said in a calming and sincere voice.
I cleared my throat and said, "Can I get my assignments?" "Of course, if you want to." I sat there for a second and collected my thoughts.
"Thank you, sir." I said, standing up and drying my face with the back of my hand. He gave me a small and sad smile, then let me leave the room.
I left and defiantly walked the halls. Everyone was in class, but it made me feel better to stand up straight and tall. I walked into my Pre-Calc, French, Specialized English, and Portuguese classes and got my assignments. I hesitated outside my Chemist class; Lily would be there now.
Once again I stood up straight, tall and as defiant as I could, and walked into class. I heard a couple gasps when I walked in, as I did with all the classes, but in this one, Lily stood up and said, "Alice!" I ignored her with a trembling lip and asked my teacher for the assignment. Lily made her way to the front of the class and said, "Alice, look at me." I focused my eyes straight ahead, but saw her gorgeousness right to the side of me.
Then something crazy happened.
My teacher turned and gave me my assignments. I stuffed them in my bag and turned to leave but Lily blocked my way. And her sleeves were rolled up.
Scars lined all her wrist and forearm, horizontal and vertical, zig-zagged and straight. Some were fresh and some were beginning to be scars. I gasped and looked up at Lily. Tears were spilling out the corner of her eyes and I wanted so bad to make them stop and the erase the pain showing in her face. "I cut for you. And I love you. I'm sorry I'm not what you want me to be." She whispered, pulling down her sleeves. The entire class was quiet, even the teacher. Then Lily turned and left class. I stood there for a minute.
I had to assess a couple of things. 1. Lily had scars almost as bad as mine, 2. Lily loved me, 3. Lily doesn't know I love her back, 4. Lily cut for me, and 5. Lily doesn't know I cut for her. I gasped and ran out the room.
Suddenly a scream filled the halls.
Lily.
I ran to her and I saw her gaping at her locker. I ran to her and peered inside. A note identical to mine sat at the bottom of her locker. I slammed the door shut and reached out to pull her close to me. She shrank away. "You did it, didn't you? How could you?" Lily yelled.
"What? I got the same fucking note in my locker! And I love you, Lily. I would never do anything like that to you. I can't believe you'd think I'd do something like that to you!"
This time, I walked away with tears running down my face.
Again, she yelled after me. Again, I skated away to fast. Again, I felt humble and helpless.
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I skated home and walked in. My Mom was in the kitchen, cooking up dinner (I guess). I stormed past her to my room. A couple seconds later, she was pounding on my door.
"Yes, Mom?"
She opened the door and confusion and sadness laced her blue grey eyes.
"Honey, what's wrong?"
All of it just poured out me. From yesterday night when Lily and I went skating to today when I told Lily I loved her and skated away.
My Mom listened intently and gasped a couple of times. When I was done, I flopped down on my bed and took a deep breath.
"It's good that you told the Principal about the note. Good you got your assignments. Adorable that you love this girl. Bad that you cut again, I thought we were done with that. Bad that you skated away. Bad at you left her there. You need to talk to her and settle this. I'd hate this girl to hurt herself again when all you need to do is talk it out and figure something out. So sit here and collect your thoughts and when you're done, call this girl and tell her to come over. You two need to talk."
I nodded and groaned at the same time. It would be so damn embarrassing to talk to her after all that happened, but my Mom was right, I couldn't leave her like that.
She kissed me and left my room, letting me think over all that happened.
I thought for about an hour. As soon as I stepped out my room to find my phone, the doorbell rang.
"I'LL GET IT!" I yelled throughout the house.
I went to open the door and there stood Lily.
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"Lily." I said, both happy and scared that she was here. "Alice." Lily said. I couldn't quite read her eyes, but she bit her lip and stared at her shoes.
"Come in."
We walked tho my room and sat on my bed, closing the door behind us.
"Honey who was it?" My Mom said. "Lily." I said back. "Oh. Good luck sweetheart!" I groaned.
Moms these days.
"Listen, Alice-" Lily began. "No. Let me. Lily, I've loved you since the second I saw you. You're an amazing, awesome, and gorgeous girl. I never meant to hurt you. All I wanted was for you to accept me and to love me back. Unfortunately, you saw my scars. I know that they're hideous, I know you saw just a portion of a lot. However, I know know you have scars too, and that just adds to your beauty for me. I love you, a lot. I don't know how I feel so strongly for you after such a short amount of time, but somehow I did and it's amazing. I don't know if you feel the same, I don't know it you care, but I know I do and that's all I want to you know." I said.
Lily was quiet for a while. Then she rolled up her sleeves. I looked into her eyes and she nodded, giving me permission (I guess) to look. I rose her hand and looked more closely at the angry red lines lining her arm. I ran my finger tips lightly down them, and felt her shake under my touch. The room was absolute silent when I pressed my lips to her hand, tracing my scars with my mouth. She gasped and I smiled against her hand.
Then I pulled away and smiled. She smiled back, and then I rolled up my sleeve. Lily gasped. "Jesus, Alice, why?" Lily said, staring at the ugly scars lining my wrist and arm. "You know the cliche. To feel something." I whispered. She looked up at me with sadness in those beautiful eyes.
In that instant, I felt love burst inside me and lust kill any sense inside me.
I reached over, held Lily by her waist, and kissed her. She gasped against me, but I just pressed harder. Lily allowed herself to fall back and I just kissed her there, feeling her soft lips kiss me back, loving the sensation of her under me. I pulled back after a while.
I flopped down next to her, out of breath and full of love. "Lily, I love you." "Alice, I-"
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