Today I write about all the things I've done
Or rather, the things I didn't do
When I was young, I didn't savor my time
A happy child, no matter what happened
And mom and dad still loved each other
I always had friends because they liked my family
Or maybe it was my house
With a pool and a swing set in the back
When I was young, in bed at night
I never plugged my ears
I heard the things my parents said
The things they yelled, they whispered, they cried
About themselves, each other, about me.
I found out why they were never happy
I found out why I never got the love
I always saw on TV
When i got older, I never talked
I never fought back, or said anything at all
I didn't stand up for myself
My parents never heard me cry, even when they most expected it
Perhaps that's why mom started to wear heels,
And dad bought bigger belts
When I was in middle school,
I never hid the alcohol
I never tried to get rid of the drugs
I never helped myself
My mom kept puffing and my dad kept chugging
All I ever did was cry
Maybe that was why it hurt to cough
When I was a freshman
I never explained the bruises
Or why I was so thin
I never told them why I was really gone for a week
Or that my dad blew our money on drinks and drugs
When I was an adult,
I never told myself the truth
I never said, you deserved better
Everything was my fault
I listened to the voice in my head
When I was an adult I never said it like it was
that my parents beat me as a child
and drank away our money
I never told them why my dad had such big belts
Or why my mom always broke her high heels
I didn't explain the bruises like I should have
Or the marks on my face
I never thought that maybe, just maybe
This wasn't where I was supposed to be
Now I sit here, gasping for breath
This secret finally out
It's been a long while since I've felt a belt
Or seen a high heeled shoe
But I have seen the scars
heard the voices
Felt the pain
I've been a victim
I've played the part
But now I'm telling you
This isn't your fault
You're good enough
You're perfect
And you can get through it
You can say something
You can tell someone the real reason
And if you think its over, just know
This isn't the end
.....................................................................
Guys if you're going through something and you feel like it's your fault, it's not. You deserve better and you should tell someone if somebody is hurting you. This is not just something I say to sound like an inspirational story, this is legit what I think. I do not think it is ok for someone to beat someone else. This could be it's own post. Love to all
G
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YOU ARE READING
I Have These Thoughts So Often
PoesíaWhen I think too often, this is what sort of crap "poetic" stuff I come up with. Maybe you will like it.