Rose Petals

Ocd

Don't chew your food;

Right, left, right, left, stop!

Don't count your steps;

1, 2, 3, not yet, 4, 5, sit.

Don't code your trapper;

1st, 2nd, 3rd, damn it, where's 4th period.

Don't put your hair up;

Pushed, pushed against the cushion.

Don't do those controlling things;

Why?

I don't know...

This is a particular thing I've struggled with. My cousin, who is a nurse, told me I had to have had at least a little bit of OCD. She said she has a bit too. She's told me some of things she has to do.

That's what OCD is. Having or feeling the absolute need to do something even though you can't explain why. These girls at my school think they have OCD just because they straighten their books. It's so insulting that they think a little thing like that means they have OCD.

It goes from that, to having to use lined paper to make your written lines straight, to having to sleep in the middle of the bed just because. These particular things above are what I've struggled with and still am.

I bite the insides of my cheek. I always feel the need to cross my legs, but I tell myself to stop because it's practically unacceptable at school. Nobody does it. I used to count my steps and if I wanted to sit down or stop walking, I'd have to end on a multiple of five.

I'd have to eat a portion of food on the right side of my mouth. Then, the left. Then, the right. And if I didn't end on my left side, I'd make the portions smaller until I did.

When I sit on the couch or somewhere my hair is pressed up against something, I have to pull it up either so that it rests on top of my head or in a pony tail or something. This is one that I've recently noticed happening more often. And I stopped the step counting one a long time ago but I think it's coming back.

Anyway, one of my poems. Here you go.