Dear ____,

Dear J,

I don't even know where to start. I've always wanted to talk to you, and I developed the biggest crush on you, but you were taken. I wanted you so badly even though I knew I couldn't, so I decided friends is better than nothing. But oh my how I fell for you. I fell for everything about you. Your speech patterns, how you showed interest in what I had to say, your voice, your laugh, your eyes, you. I think about you often and some nights I just think of memories between us as I smile; and then cry because those things will probably never happen again. I try to move on because I know I should, but it's hard. It's hard to just leave what I love and what I'm so used to; it hurts. There are times where I think I'm over you, but the second I see you I fall for you all over again. I miss you. I know we still talk but it just isn't the same anymore. I love you. I know you don't feel the same anymore but it's true. You are a part of me and I will always have that little piece of my heart that belongs to you. You seriously meant the world to me, and I would've done anything for you; and the thing is: I still feel that way. I remember how nervous I was when I hugged you the first few times.  I remember when we both confessed our feelings for each other. The second you said you had feelings for me too, I got so happy I like screamed and it was hilarious. I remember sitting at lunch with you where I would sit there and just look at you, appreciating and falling for all of your little things. I remember New Year's... I don't think I will ever forget that. I remember staying after school with you those few times, I loved every second of it. The second we left, especially on weekends, I automatically missed you. I craved to feel your arms around me and your lips against mine. I remember FaceTiming you and falling in love with you even more then. One night we stayed up until my Wi-Fi shut off, and how I would always mock you. My sisters liked you too, they would always ask about you, and they still do but it's different than how it was. I let you in far more than anyone, ever. You were my biggest priority and I loved you so much I swear I was crazy for you. You gave me a reason to wake up in the mornings and try. I even started singing in the shower again, and I haven't done that for years because of my depression. You were the biggest part of my life, and I even changed all my passwords to your name and 1220 meaning December 20th... because on that day we both confessed our feelings for each other. I needed you, and I always try so hard not to depend on anyone, but I did. Then shit happened. I wasn't ready. I wasn't fucking ready to lose you. You destroyed me and I don't even blame you for any of it. It was an honor to have my heart crushed by you, and I would do it again if it meant I could hold you and kiss you one last time. I wish I could meet you for the first time again, but since we can't change the past I'll just keep hoping we can become close again. You meant everything to me, and I just can't seem to let you go, but I'm trying.