gavin (#projectnoisno) || ✓

II: GAVIN'S APPLE

G A V I N ' S    A P P L E

Counting backwards helped me gain courage and composure. It had always been one of the things I do when I get psyched out.

When I was six and my dad told me it was time to let go off the training wheels, I counted backwards from five till I sat on the bike and ten minutes later I landed sideways in Jojoba bushes. It took me three days before I was able to ride my bike on my own and at that age, I couldn't feel more accomplished. During middle school we had to play dodge ball and I had never felt more afraid of balls in my life. I remembered counting backwards from ten before I was able to step within ball range. I was the third to get hit but at least I got out with minor injuries. Just about a month and a half ago, a week before my sixteenth birthday, I took a deep breath before counting backwards from three and asked my dad for a car. To this day, I still didn't have a car but I wasn't giving up on convincing him to buy me one.

Right now, I was counting from five to one, my eyes trained on Gavin as he wordlessly took out a text book from his locker. Maki was looking at me by the sideline as I approached him. After I told her, Gavin Lucas talked to me, she made the whole weekend a lecture about how girls should make the first move. It felt like a personal female empowerment project she conducted on her best friend and it worked.

Because on a Monday morning I approached Gavin Lucas like he was a ticking time bomb. Maybe he was. Every time I talk to him, it felt like an explosion. He made me my insides blow up and not just the giddy way. I wasn't sure if that should be a caution or not.

My fingers were shaking as I clutched harder to my binder. "H-hey."

His eyes met mine. "Hey."

"Uh...how's it been?" My palms were sweaty and I could feel moisture forming on my forehead.

"Good," he said, "Is there anything I can help you with Ingrid?"

His seriousness made me nervous even more. "N-no," I said, "I just w-wanted to talk."

He raised a brow slightly. "I feel like small talk isn't your specialty." The playfulness in his tone made my stomach twist in knots.

"It isn't."

"I think we've covered that." The corners of his lips started turning up.

"I honestly don't know what more to say," I mumbled softly.

"Maybe you'll figure it out when you meet me later by the apple tree behind school."

I couldn't help the wide smile that stretched across my face. I probably looked like a lunatic but Gavin was nice enough not to point it out.

***

The first thing I saw that afternoon when I headed at the back of the school was discarded pen parts and Gavin Lucas smoking weed using an apple. My eyes widened. I knew students smoked pot from around this area but I never thought Gavin Lucas was one of them.

His varsity jacket was hanging off the boulder he was sitting on as he lit the top of the fruit and sucked by the side of it, his cheeks hollowing in. He kept it in for a second before leaning his head back and releasing the smoke, a foggy mist evaporating around his figure. He looked like a fallen angel.

"Aren't you going to say 'hello'?" he said, voice a bit gruff than before.

I jumped slightly. "H-Hello."

He grinned, wide and loose. I missed seeing that expression. Gavin used to throw that expression every morning like it was his default setting.

Taking small steps, I heard the dried grass scrunch under the soles of my converse as I approached him and sat next to him on the boulder. "I didn't know you were a stoner."