gavin (#projectnoisno) || ✓

VII: GAVIN'S TRUST

G A V I N ' S           T R U S T

Time was a concept I never really thought about. It was just a constant passing, a ticking presence. I never really saw it as something suffocating until Gavin's story felt like a chain dragging with me wherever I go. Now, time was like a constant pressure to my heart and every second felt like a prick from the needle of injustice.

Gavin looked at me worriedly as he watched me fidget with my fingers while I leaned against the boulder that witnessed every interaction we had by the apple tree.

"What's wrong Ingrid?" he asked.

"You need to come forward." My words were rushed but I felt weight pull away from my shoulders when I'd finally uttered them.

Gavin was taken aback by my words but he needed to hear them. It was exactly four days since Gavin had told me the whole story. Exactly four days since Natalie Gordon tried to apprehend me why I was angry with her. Exactly four days of sleepless nights with thoughts of Gavin's situation.

The rest of the week went on with an anxious flurry. Maki had noticed how I had been more distant lately but tried her best not to interfere whenever I told her I was thinking about Gavin. Students had been looking at me more lately and I figured my friendship with Gavin or whatever Natalie's friends could have labeled it out to be spread around the school like wild fire. The stares and the looks were new to me but I was too stuck in my own thoughts to pay them any mind.

On Wednesday morning, I remembered how Gavin and I interacted publicly for the first time and everyone stared at us like we were a new breed of species. We entered school together and talked by the halls. Gavin even had lunch with me when Maki couldn't go because the debate team had a meeting. From the corner of my eye, I could see Natalie glance at our direction from their table and I didn't miss how Declan downright stared at us. It was unnerving but I only focused on Gavin. I couldn't even imagine what he was feeling.

"Ingrid, I don't think – "

"It's unfair, okay," I said, pulling away from the boulder. "I can't act like what you went through is nothing – "

"You're not acting like that, believe me – "

"But you're letting her get away with it."

He kept his mouth shut and looked down on the grass. "Everyone's going to think I'm pathetic."

"Gav – "

"I wasn't a man, okay!" he said, voice rising, "People would look at me and not believe that someone like me could be taken advantage of by a short attractive girl." He stood up and walked towards me. "Natalie was my girlfriend. She was entitled to have sex and I couldn't give it to her. Everyone knows that speaks more about me than it does about her."

I held his gaze. It was one of the rare times, I felt strong about something. "Society's judgment towards what you should be doesn't make what she did any less wrong."

His eyes widened.

"And yes I said, wrong." I stepped closer. "Rape is wrong. Not acknowledging your consent is wrong. The only thing that made everything 'not right' is sexist standards."

He couldn't look at me as I said it so I turned him by the chin to face me.

"A person in a relationship is allowed to not want sex. A person who shows uncontrollable physical responses is allowed to not want sex." I held his face with both of my hands. "A guy is allowed to not want sex."

He pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth as he blinked away resounding tears.

"This is not about you being weak," I said, "It's about your rights as a human being. Who can even tell the true standards of a man? What it takes to be a man? You don't have to be the type of man they want you to be, Gavin."

"Ingrid, I don't know."

"Everything's going to be hard and it'll would probably get plenty of attention but you need to come forward, Gavin. Don't let her get away with it."

Gavin tilted his head, a stray tear falling. "I'm tired, Ingrid," he said, voice slightly cracking, "I've lost so many people because I couldn't be what they want."

"You're not going to lose me," I said firmly, "And what other people wants you to be won't matter."

"Is there even a chance." Gavin paused, breathing in heavily then breathing out. "A chance that I'd actually get something good out from this."

"You'll let them know your story. You'll make them know that stuff like this can happen to anyone. You'll be a voice," I said, "There's always a chance, Gavin. All you need to do is take the leap."

"I'm not sure about this Ingrid."

I pulled back, fidgeting with my fingers. A question that I was scared to know the answer to was on the tip of my tongue but I knew I had to ask. "Gavin, do you trust me?"

He looked at me, honey eyes shining with vulnerable intensity. "More than anyone else in the world."

"Maki," I said, "She's good with statistics and research and all that equality thing. I can ask help from her to give us as much information as we could gain so we know what we're getting into."

Gavin looked at me. We were both silent for a moment before he sighed. "If you trust her enough to tell her what happened to me, I trust her too."

***

Maki's house was located at the far end of town. It wasn't too small but it wasn't too big either. I always liked being here. The whole house had a bit of Japanese fusion in every corner. One of the reasons why Maki and I got along so well was because we could both relate to culturally diverse families. With a bloodline of Filipino, African-American, German and American, I had been exposed to different traditions and adapted to a varied home life. Maki was one of the only people who seemed interested when I was forced to talk about my heritage at English class back in sixth grade.

Mrs. Ryou wanted to maintain a few Japanese features in their house despite the fact that she wasn't even Japanese. They had a lot of Japanese home decors in their house that included lanterns, shoji screen dividers, wood carvings and tapestries. All of which they bought originally in Japan every time they went back. I thought it was sweet of her to adapt to the traditions for her husband.

"I'll bring up some sushi in a little bit for you two," Mrs. Ryou said with a smile as Maki slid a sliding panel door to open the main hall.

"Thanks Mrs. Ryou," I said.

Maki rolled her eyes at her mother but I knew she was only doing it in fondness. Once we reached her room, Maki raised a brow at me when I didn't sit down next to her on her futon like I usually do.

"Something wrong, Ingrid?" she asked.

I looked down on my bright red socks – the Ryou household tried their best to withhold the tradition of leaving shoes by the main entrance or what Mr. Ryou called the "genkan" – and chewed on my bottom lip. I wasn't sure how to start this conversation.

"Ingrid?"

My eyes met Maki's green ones and they had sharpness in them. A lot of people tend to get intimidated with Maki because of how she looked and how she spoke her mind out loud but I never did. Maki's sharpness wasn't the type that cut me. Maki's sharpness was striking for me.

With that though in mind, I sighed. "Maki, I need your help."

I didn't know how the conversation would go but what Maki said after I told her the entire thing was what I least expected.

Maki's brows were furrowed as she said the words, "That can't be possible."