( 4 years ago)
Before I knew it, my intense frustration and fear was washed away with a flash flood of emotion. Images of people began to crowd around me, draping my thoughts, like a thick wool blanket. My heart and brain were racing, recollecting memories and feelings that I thought to have died long ago. I truly believed they been swept away with the ignorance of the breeze, into the immense and captivating darkness, the same darkness that had hidden me and my mortal being for all this time. I remember studying the faces of my family, each seeming to have aged dramatically, almost inhumanly fast. Wrinkles and bags formed by grief, each crevasse soaked and stained with tears. Speechless, they all hovered above me, there eyes meandered around my face and landed upon my new gaze. My mothers shimmering eyes welled and broke, flooding, as she faintly smiled, and whispered, "we are here now, you don't have to fight alone anymore, my Sterling." This phrase aroused pain, unearthed from the large bubble of excitement that swelled inside of me within that moment. My father cupped my cheek, gingerly, making sure to be extra gentle. I could tell they were just as amazed and confused as I was. The pasty and scaly skin that formed around their eyes was a close to horrifying sight. I could never imagine seeing them worse in my life. It was a true moment of understanding and expectance for me. Things had changed, people, relationships, and many buildings of my childhood had crumbled from the lack of nourishment. What a helpless and delusional concept to grasp, and terrifyingly feeling to endure. Little did I know that the consequences and surprises would be soon to come.
I felt uncertainty swelling in my eyes, I strained to speak, no use. WHAT? This set me into an enraged panic, all of which was hidden behind the numb mask of my immobility, hiding, screaming, silent, all at once inside of my dulled mind. Every ounce of anger was drawn from my thoughts as my mother grazed my jawline with the edge of her thumb. Her fingers were trembling and she looked upon me as though she had just uncovered the most valuable treasure known to man. I yearned to give them a sign of reasurance, to let them know that I was alright, anything, anything at all.
Hours later, after I had been wheeled through halls, weaved through rooms, tubes, lasers, and an uncountable amount of tests for the doctors, each making me for confused and worried after the other, a tall gentleman with thin wired glasses and it a clipboard entered the room. He waltzed over to my mother and laid his hand across her shoulder, gently. His presence and appearance were solemn. My mother was in the same position, leaning over my bedside, admiring all of the machines that were sprawled across my body, her eyebrows raised and scrunched with guilt. I could tell it was worrisome and hurtful to her soul to study the scarlet blotched material across the side of my head. I still didn't understand all that was going on, but I knew for sure that I never wanted her to see me like this. I was ashamed of my ignorance and inability to convey my thought. I was vulnerable to a force that I knew not of.
The well dressed gentleman with the clipboard clung tightly to his chest peered down and scanned over my body. His eyes were gloomy, grey and cold, framed by unsettling frames. He spoke in soft tones, you could tell he was scraping at the bottom of the barrel, desperately trying to sew together his last shreds of empathy as a small gesture. His lips were pursed and trembled as he tried to maintain his composure, though it was obvious that he did not know exactly what was going on inside of my mind. I felt like a fragile newborn baby, except the look that rested upon me was without the ease of mind that most have, usually knowing that the new found life they are witnessing will be full and healthy. No, when they look at me it is with sorrow, I don't even know why! "I'm afraid the accumulated test results show that her scact scan came back with some disappointing predictions." My mother closed her eyes tightly, and lowered her head. Her shoulders shuddered with anticipation as she squeezed my forearm. I couldn't tell any sensation of touch, but I remembered her tendencies and impulses.. I could tell she was baring herself for the worst. I tried with all my might to scream in that moment.. Every ounce of emotion that had accumulated within me for the past few hours was bursting at the seams to be released in some fashion. Absolutely nothing. A chilling eerie silence took over the room. Its presence embodied a spirit and force, greater than anything I had ever felt before. The doctor opened his mouth and breathed heavily
"I regret to inform you that......"
