My random writings

...no words...

Things you need to know before reading this is that It will have a lot of self harm depression suicidal thoughts and...some kinda personal things it helps me to write them out I might make a story out of it but I'm not sure...
-Sky

It all started when I was 14 my dad walked out and in on me so many times that it gave me whip lash. My mom had to be my mom my dad and my best friend it was hard for her but she did it well. My name is Sierra and at the age of 14 I was already thinking about how I could end my life. You may say"hun your life could be worse." And I agree with you I guess I'm just selfish I'm pansexual gender fluid living in the Bible Belt dating a girl who is 3 years younger than I am my mom can't stand me dating her my memaw prolly hates me and i still have to hide for certain people so I don't ruin a friendship I'm 17 and taking meds and going to therapy it's workin kinda but I still get days that I wish I could die like today I am supposed to call my therapist but eh it'll go away...maybe. I've lost myself somewhere and I don't know where to look I'm on the verge of tears but nothing comes out something is hold them back I just want a day to cry just one day I never have alone time I have to share a room with my mom in a one bed room trailer yeah yeah say what you want about being trailer trash I don't care I hear it a lot I can't shake this feeling of fear of selfishness of sadness of emptiness of...nothingness I can't tell dylan(my girlfriend) I don't want to hurt her I can tell my mom she will take me to the hospital and put me on lock down I can't tell my cousin because she will hate me I can't talk to anyone I can't do it anymore being scared of the wrong people finding out I'm pan I'm scared I'll lose so much I'm scared of my self I scared of dieing I'm scared of all the people I'll hurt but at the same time I want to die and at the same time I don't care who I hurt as long as I can ge out my own head against me a war I'll lose something I can't fight I miss the ol me the one who was ok then one everyone loved the one I liked the one who wasn't broken the one who wasn't scared the one who wasn't crazy I'm in full tears now trying to be quite so I don't wake my mom so she doesn't find me here so she doesn't find out I'm crying I don't want to hurt her I don't want her to see me like this.