The Unknown Tales: A Collection of Short Stories, One Shots, and More

The Story of How I Died (and my brother, Bill)

This *dramatic pause* is the story of how I died.

I died too!

Shut up, Bill!

No! And my name is not Bill. It's Dollar! Dollar Bill!

You wish.

I do wish. And you should too. If you would just wish once and awhile we might not be dead!

Ignore him.

You do not tell them to ignore me! I will...

Anyways! This is my story, Bill. Not yours.

It's Dollar.

Man dude. Who names their kid dollar? I mean seriously! It's stupid.

That would be our parents.

Whatever. Back to my story. This *dramatic pause* is the story of how I died.

Why can't it be how we died?

Because I'm telling the story. Now shut up!

Humph!

Fine! This is the story of how I died and Bill over here even though it wasn't nearly as dramatic as my death.

It's Dollar! D.O.L.L.A.R!

Gesundheit.

...

Do you know what a normal day for me would look like? Probably not. It looks just like any other day to you. The ground stays beneath my feet the sky is blue and birds are birds. Seriously, have you ever met a bird that was a cow? It's weird. Not to mention impossible. But, hey, that's what I do.

I'm an FBI Agent. I'm no ordinary agent though. I work for the branch called the MAI otherwise known as Magical Attributes of Investigation. Weird, huh? Basically I go around the world investigating impossible things. Like that one time a woman blew up this old house in London and the next day it was there again. Or this one time when Bill and I saw a dog chasing a cat. That was weird.

Gale. They don't want to hear about that.

So anyway things get pretty strange. Like milking a cow in outer space strange. If you've never done that it's really fun. And messy.

Man! There was milk everywhere for like three weeks!

So you might be wondering, what do I do that's normal? Well, I eat, drink, sleep, play games, and... oh yeah! I have a girlfriend.

Humph.

You know, just because you don't have a girlfriend doesn't mean you have to be so rude!

But I like her! She would've been mine! You just had to go and steal her!

Sue me.

I've already done that.

Oh, yeah! I forgot. Back to the story. So normal day blah, blah, blah, blue skies, green grass, pigeons pooping on your head. In fact that's where it started. I was on a date with my girlfriend, Aurora, and there were pigeons on the ground. Aurora was feeding them our dinner, don't ask, and I was trying to... to... I don't remember. Eh, probably wasn't important anyway.

So she was feeding them I was doing whatever and then BANG! I was dead.

Not yet.

What? I could've sworn I died then. Oh, well. Next thing I know I'm standing in front of Bill whose holding a remote thingy and pressing it really hard.