RAW

Chapter 1

You will never know what pain is ever.No,I'm not talking about the physical pain that the body experiences but the pain that wrenches the heart,paralyses the body and reddens the eye. It is this kind of pain that whenever one experiences , it takes away a part of their own self full with joy and happiness.It takes their hope away and each minute seems like an eternity they are abided to pass through because despite of their wanting to be away from the darkness they've been dragged into there is the need to get out of it.They're okay with their lives,people around them and the things they do or see;they 're alright because it doesn't matter.But how can one live with just being okay? Not being able to feel and express and maybe trust?
It's not like they're zombies who don't laugh, talk or exist.They do,trust me.But it's that kind of living where you exist and not live , do not enjoy and feel anything.When you fake laugh and smile it never lights up your eyes and your saying ,"I'm alright,just tired" won't make you feel okay on the inside.
Pain.
What comes to your mind when you hear the four letter word?
What kind of pain you think have you suffered?
There are so many pains in this world.
One, the pain you have bore.
Second, the pain you think pain is.
Third the pain you're familiar with and fourth the one you bear on your little soul without even knowing.

BUT HAVE YOU WONDERED WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO LIVE WITH THE PAIN?
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It was long past midnight but I was fully awake,twisting and turning on my bed which was not helpful at all to help me peacefully sleep after a long day at work.Figuring it out to be useless,I sat up straight with a pounding head.I randomly let my hand hit stuff in the dark near my bedside so I can  see things clearly without the dark surrounding me.After a few thuds and dangs I was successfully able to turn the switch on.What was new with it anyway? I should be used to it by this routine of getting up with a pounding headache from the few lucky hours I get to sleep but mostly sleepless  and restlessness nights always.Unfortunately for me, it is not the first time that this happened to me but since a very very long time...as far as my memories can collect.Sighing,I pushed the warmth of the comforters away from me and dragged my body out of the safe heaven of this place that I call my bed.I  quietly tiptoed down the stairs of my three storey apartment so as to make sure I don't wake up my sister and her boyfriend who share the apartment with me.I don't have a great big social life so my sister-Anne,her four friends and her boyfriend- James who is also my best friend or the closest person to me is my circle. 

I pour myself a glass of water and head back to my own room but instead of just sitting there and passing away the time with myself and the loneliness filled in this space,I head out to the terrace and took a seat on the old wooden swing and quietly looked upon the stars twinkling brightly in the night sky.The weather was clement and cloudless with slight cool breeze blowing that brought calm to my tenter hooked nature.

And all it took a very short while for my aching thoughts to return and tamper me...