What's one more? (sequel to The Cut Only Gets Deeper)

chapter 5

(they are always in bria's pov so i'm going to stop writing that. ahah)  

I put my phone on the counter and look around. I didn't really know what to right now.  I was back to feeling nothing again.  Probably because I wasn't talking to Niall.  I wonder why he seemed to be able to make me actually feel again.  It seemed strange, maybe because he has been there for me through A lot.  

I'll take a walk. But not around here, In L.A.  Maybe that would help.   Grabbing my keys, I get in my jeep. I drive along, not thinking about anything.  I had the top off.  I was going ot have to put that back up soon, it was getting chilly out. 

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I find a spot to park In a nice little neighborhood. I'd park it here and just start walking, not to a specific place, just walking.  I look around and see a playground.   I begin heading in that direction.  walking closer I can see the little kids laughing, slidng down the slide, and swining on the swing, be happy.  

I wish I was a little kid again.  I wish my parents were dead.  I wished they loved me enough to not drink and drive.  I wished they loved me.  

I look away from the happy children and start walking through the park to the left of the playground.  A soccer ball taps my right ankle, taking my attention away from the dull gray of the sidewalk.  My head goes up and a little blonde boy comes running over.  I don't move.  He grabs the ball, smiling, but the smile drops.  He tils his head and looks at me. 

"why do you look sad?" He says in a high pitched voice.  I blink back tears.  A kid this young can see how much pain i'm in.  smart kid. 

"someone very special to me went away forever."  I try and give a fake little smile to him.  He nods.  I could basically see the gears turning in his head.

"Did someone die?"  way to just be straight forward.  i had to laugh at that. Yeah, me kid.  But I don't say that. 

"No.  They...they moved to a different country, really far away for the rest of their life." I try and explain.   Even without saying what really happened, it was hard to explain. 

"did you love them?" He inquires.  I simply nod.  He looks at my arm.  I had removed the band-aids and just had 8 barely visible cuts.  I regret that decision. "I know what those are.  My big sister had them.  Then she got sick and went away forever.  I miss my big sister.  Are you sick like her?"  He asks, causing me to almost break. 

"No.  I don't believe so." I say, not looking at him.  

"Well don't go away like she did.  She was really pretty and looked like you, which makes you really pretty.  don't go away ok?"  He grabs my arm and kisses the back of my hand,giving me a smile and running off. 

I just smile, tears falling a little bit before I stop them and continue walking.  I look into the sky, it was so blue, with a tiny bit of clouse here and there.  I wonder what It must be like to be a bird, to be free.  Not have a care in the world and not worry about anything.  To be able to go where ever you want.  To be able to just shit on anyone if they annoy you.  

That'd be nice.  

I seemed to have walked into the city now and look around.  There were little shoppes littering the street, yelling at me in different languages to buy their things.  Leave me alone...

I saw a tattoo parlor and decided to go in and just look around.  I enter the shop and a woman with peircings and many tattoos appears out of no where. 

"Hello!  How can I help you today?  I'm lilly."  She gives me a warm smile.  see, she's really nice.  I know  people judge her due to her tats and peircings.  I think they make someone unique and are cool.