Hope (Rick Grimes Fanfiction)

chapter 3

Rick's POV

I watched Vivian leaving. I felt sad deep inside.I don't know why. I couldn't describe my feelings. After Lori's death, I never believed that I could feel like that for someone else. Do I even feel something about that girl? After Lori's death...

I think I still miss her. I felt tears in my eyes but I didn't want to cry infront of Carl. Not now. He was looking upset. Probable, he didn't like my hug with Vivian.

"So,what's going on?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Between you and her."

He seemed cold. His voice sounded sad. Angry. I know my son and I'm absolutely sure that something is wrong.

"Carl." I said and I looked at him in the eyes "There is nothing wrong... There is nothing between me and Vivian."

He was about to say something but he stopped. He looked like he was thinking about it. We both stood there in an awkward silence for a while.

"You know what? I should go too" he said and he turned around to leave.

"Carl wait!"

He had walked a few steps away from me. When he heard me he stopped but he didn't turn around to face me.

"I don't want to bother you dad. Besides, there is someone you want to talk to and we both know that I'm not that person right now." After he finished, he started walking again.

"Carl? Carl!" I said louder but he didn't stop. He just kept walking.

Something has changed about him. After the day he shat that kid and I took his gun he is not the same. It's like he wants to grow up but it's too soon. He almost felt no sorry about that kid. Actually, he doesn't really want to talk about it. Maybe his problem is with me. I know I've done bad things that I'm not proud of and I don't want my son to be like me. I'm not the perfect father but I try my best for him. I can't imagine how difficult it is for a kid to grow up in a world like that. Live in a world full of violence and fear. Fear of the walkers. Fear of losing your people, your family. Fear about the future.

Some walkers got my attention. There were five of them outside the fences. I went to them. I looked at them. One of walkers had bloody eyes. It was the first time I saw something like that. That didn't seem right. Something was wrong. I killed four of them but when I looked at the last one I froze. It was a female that reminded me of Viv. It had the same blonde hair as her, even the same heigh. Only their eyes were different. Vivian's were light brown and filled you with life and joy but that walker's were dark. Dead. What would happen if one day Vivian turned into a walker? How would I feel? Would that change me? I tried to get those thoughts out of my mind. 'That's not going to happen' I said to myself and I stabed the last one too.

After that I went to the prison to find Judith. I thought that it would be better to see her first and spend some time with her. It would calm me down. Carl wouldn't want to talk with me for a while. Also I had to think about what would I say to Vivian. Should I tell her about how I feel? I don't even know how I feel. Maybe it's too soon. Should I move on with my life after what happened? Would I handle another loss? Was I strong enough?

I found Beth but Judith wasn't with her. I asked her where she is and when she told me I smilled and I didn't even understand that. She was with the last person I would expect her to be with.

She was with Vivian!