Bruised

Chapter 24

Once her big brother left Stella went upstairs to her bedroom. She turned some slow playlist on and curled in her still warm bed. Thoughts crossed her mind and tears started to show in her eyes. Bad news was that her life was a mess and that day seemed to be one of those that look like a big fat 'no', I mean begining with the glass that she had broken in that morning and finishing with Matthew and school and friends  it was all going wrong. Good news was she was home alone and she could spend her entire afternoon crying in bed and listening to songs that would only make it worse

As Matthew called her "Ste" the memories she had tried for so long to forget came back. It took her right back to the D-day. Her and her boyfriend had been arguing for way longer than they should have been. It seemed like all they could do was argue and Stella felt like she couldn't take it anymore. "Ross? We need to talk" a voice answered spoke from the other side of the line "Ste does it really have to be today?". "Yes. I'll meet you in the park." she heard him shigh "I'll be there in half an hour" 

She didn't know what to do. It took her so long to decide whether or not to talk with him about it. Stella, always the strong one, the sassy one was in tears with just the thought of it. As she made her way to the spot they had set up to meet tears rolled down her face and her vision became blurry. Once she saw him she felt the strenght leave her body and everything she had planned to say vanished from her mind. As she approached him it was as if she was about to faint. Before she sat next to him she kissed him, passionately, deeply as if already predicting the end of that conversation. 

"All okay?" he asked her looking to the horizon. She muttered a "yes" hoping she could let it all go now that they were there but truth was it wasn't and she was tired of lying to herself. "No" she cleared her throat buying some time to think "It's not. I'm tired". 

He looked confused "Tired of what?" she almost lost it, tears filled her eyes again and she began "Tired of what? Do you even think? Do you even like me? Did you ever like me?" Although she knew how true their love had been in the beggining right now she was questioning everything. He looked at her for a few seconds and turned his eyes back to the horizon "You are overreacting  Ste".

 She couldn't remember anytime where she was shaking more than in that moment "I'm not!" she cried "You don't even care about me anymore. You don't care about anything that is related to me. All you care about is your friends and the fact that you have a girlfriend. In the paper cause in reality we're barely friends" By this time she was sobbing "If you don't give a shit about me anymore why didn't you just end it???" These question seemed to be like a ghost haunting her "I'm so tired of feeling useless" Stella just wouldn't let him speak. She knew that if she did she wouldn't be able to say another word "I'm so tired of feeling useless and used and it really is breaking me Ross! And it fucks me up cause you don't give a shit about it and you don't care to ask what's wrong and you don't care that I'm hurt neither do you try to make it better! WHY????" she broke down right there in that moment. She was certain of she was doing and she thought all she wanted was an explanation.

But when he said "Maybe this isn't really working. I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you" and started standing she realised that when she walked there all she wanted was for him to tell her that everything would be alright, that he was as in love with her as she was with him and things would change and they would make it through. He didn't.

She was sobbing. He was just fine. The pain was almost unbearable. Anyone who says a heartbreak doesn't destroy you clearly hasn't been in love. She couldn't tell what hurt. Truth was everything hurt. Every single bone and muscle seemed to hurt. It had never happened to her. He was her first true love. It didn't just hurt, it burned and it was consuming her. As a girl she had heard a lot about heartbreaks but this was just far worse than she could ever pictured it.  

The next day was no better, she had dark circles under eyes and just wanted to stay in bed. Unfortunately it was school day and although she wanted to miss it her parents would never allow it. She stood up, took longer than usual applying make up, curled her hair, and took the prettiest dress of the closet. It didn't take long before she started crying though and her make up didn't last long. 

School in that day was hell but Stella had so many friends that she wasn't left alone long enough to break down yet once she crossed the road there he was. As divine as ever, on the phone with someone kicking some stones. Young Stella tried to be strong, it didn't last long though, all it took was for him to turn around and once his eyes met hers, those blue eyes that were like the sea on the calmest days made her emeralds fill with tears. In the following days her tears seemed endless, just like the sea. And yet, later she realised just like the sea, her sadness also had an end.

Anyone that knew Stella knew the strong part of her, the one that had overcome everything she had been through, few were the ones who had witnessed her like this, the fragile part of her. Today seemed to be one of those days where she would just stay home and cry about every single thing that had gone wrong in her life.