A Blind World

Chapter 13

Two weeks had passed, Kurt and Zisteau had been inseparable, much to the towns disapproval, or most of the town. Guude had sat by and watched, his heart constantly aching. Though he kept all of his emotions bottled up, trying to be a proper king, but he felt like the world had thrown a ton of bricks on his shoulders, and it was almost too much to bare. He watched Kurt and Zisteau bare the weight of a judging society.

He felt lost without Aurey, his beautiful wife. He knew he'd be ok without her, but that didn't mean he wanted to be, but he also realized he really didn't have a choice on the matter. He sighed deeply as his shoulders slumped. He was exhausted, sleep didn't really come too easily anymore, and when it did, nightmares plagued his dreams. One would be Aurey whispering her last goodbye, another would be watching the kingdom burn before him and he couldn't do a thing.

When Aurey had still been alive, she had comforted Guude, chasing away nightmares and worries. But now she wasn't there to do that, no one was. Everyone in the castle was cautious around him now, even his own son. They all thought he was really fragile and one misspoken sentence would break him. That wasn't true, of course, but he was just hurting.

He glanced to the door as a knock sounded, pulling him from his thoughts. "Come in." His voice sounded tired.

Bdubs walked in, taking a seat across from Guude.

"What do you want?" He questioned quietly.

"Wanted to check on you, its been a while since I've seen you." Was Bdubs' answer.

"I'm doing fine."

Bdubs snorts. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"Fine! I'm not okay!" Guude snaps.

"Guude, listen to me, getting mad isn't gonna getcha anywhere, just calm down and talk to me." Bdubs says calmly, brushing off the hurtful comment like it was nothing.

"Fine." Guude sighs, knowing Bdubs was right. "I haven't gotten much of any sleep since she died and everyone treats me like I'm the most fragile thing in the world, its aggravating."

"Nightmare again?"

"Yeah...."

"About?"

"Aurey dying, the kingdom burning, and each time, I couldn't do anything about it, no matter how hard I tried. Everything came crashing down around me....."

"And your scared it'll actually happen?"

A nod from Guude, who didn't know what to say.

"Guude, honey, none of that'll happen, you know that. Sure Aurey died, but it was her time, and you know that. But this kingdom, this wonderful kingdom will be forever safe if its in your hands, I'm positive of it."

Guude sighed, glancing at Bdubs, seeing that soft look in his brown eyes. "I guess."

"I wish you could see Guude, I really do, but your an amazing king and an amazing person. And I know for a fact that you'll be ok."

Would he be ok? He pondered how Bdubs saw any of that in him. Of course he'd been told he was good king before, and a good person, but he couldn't find it in himself to believe that, no matter how much he tries.

"It's not just that, is it?" Bdubs questions, reading him like an open book.

Guude sighs deeply. "No, its not the only thing."

Bdubs takes Guude's hands in his own. "Just talk to me Guude, you know I'm always willing to listen."

"I know." Guude breaths out. "I-I feel guilty.... I didn't even know she was sick! I was her husband for crying out loud! And I just didn't even know it!" Tears spilled from his green eyes, which were filled with sadness. "I feel like I could've done something if I had known..."

"Guude, darling, there isn't a thing you did wrong. From what I've heard she didn't want you to know because she cared so much, and didn't want you to worry. You shouldn't feel even an ounce of guilt, you did everything you could to help her without even knowing it. You gave her a great life and you loved her."

Guude's green eyes glance at their conjoined hands, then to Bdubs' brown eyes. Maybe he was right. Bdubs' brown eyes held so many emotions, knowing, sorrow, kindness, loving, all things he'd seen before in those beautiful eyes. So long ago had it been, when those beautiful eyes had stared at him as he stared back, feeling oh so in love. So long had it been since he felt those strong arms wrapped around him, holding him close, making him feel loved and wanted.

He moved and hugged Bdubs, using his neck to hide from the world, if only for the time being. He couldn't say he didn't love the way I felt, having his arms wrapped tightly around him, providing the much needed comfort. Bdubs used to be his shield, his shoulder to cry on, but he hadn't been for oh so many years, he missed this, more than he wanted to admit.

"Stay?" Guude questioned quietly, not moving away from Bdubs at all.

"Always." Bdubs whispered, pressing a gentle kiss onto his head.

Late into the night, after Guude had fallen asleep on Bdubs, he carried Guude carefully to the bed and laid him done, drawing the blankets over him. He slipped into bed beside him, but kept his distance, not knowing how Guude would react. Of course he wanted to wrap Guude in his arms and press his face lightly into his soft blonde hair and let the smell overwhelm him. But he couldn't, for Guude's sake. He was willing to do whatever it took to make sure Guude would be okay, that he would be happy again. And, if that meant sitting by his side and nursing his heartache, then he was willing to do it, because he loved Guude, more than he loved anything and everything in this cruel world.

"Boo?" Came a quiet, groggy voice.

"Yeah?"

"Come here."

Bdubs moved closer, as to Guude's odd request. He was confused when arms wrapped around him tightly, pulling him impossibly close. His heart fluttered as Guude used him as a pillow and snuggled close.

"Never leave me again." Guude murmured tiredly.

"I'd never dream of it."