A Blind World

Chapter 17

Zisteau stared out at the stars that shined brightly upon the land, his mind full of thoughts, worries. He had just talked with his father, and so many things seemed to be happening so quickly. It felt like everything was moving too fast, changing too much. He sighed as he briefly glanced over at his lover, who was sleeping peacefully on the bed they shared. Kurt was the only thing that seemed still in his life, an ever present thing that didn't seem to be changing.

He put his head in his hands, he didn't truly know how to feel anymore, or what to do. Of course he wanted his father to be happy, and he knew Bdubs made him happy, but something just didn't really feel right to him. He thought it was the fact that he wasn't over his mothers passing, though he didn't know if he ever truly would be. He had every reason to be happy right now, but he just didn't feel like he was.

"Hey, whatcha doing up still?" Kurt questioned quietly, wrapping his arms around Zisteau's waist and resting his chin on Zisteau's shoulder.

"Just can't sleep, I guess." Zisteau replied, resting his head against Kurt's, finding comfort in the contact.

"What's on your mind?"

"Stuff."

"Stuff?" Kurt questions, moving to sit beside Zisteau.

"My father is marrying Bdubs."

"Already?"

"Yeah...."

"Its bugging you?"

"Yeah, but I don't know why. I want my father to be happy, and I'm glad Bdubs makes him happy, but something just doesn't feel right about this whole thing."

Kurt runs Zisteau's back soothingly. "Is it about your mother?"

Zisteau shrugs. "Maybe. I don't know."

"I know you miss her, Zisteau, I could tell you two were very close."

"I do miss her."

"But she's in a better place, at least we know that."

"Yeah... I just.... I don't even know." Zisteau sighs, leaning against Kurt, who wrapped an arm around him.

Kurt ran his fingers through Zisteau's soft blond hair. "I'll always be here for you, Zisteau, just remember that. As long as I'm still in this world, I'll be here for you, I'll do everything in my power to protect you, to support you, to love you, I promise."

Zisteau leaned into Kurt, a small smile gracing his lips. "How do I deserve you?"

"I ask myself the same thing." Kurt says with a smile, kissing Zisteau's head.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Zisteau, always."

Pale morning light shone through the window, it was far too early to be up, Zisteau realized, but he just didn't want to sleep, or couldn't, but none of that mattered. He just laid beside Kurt, admiring just how beautiful he truly was. How he deserved Kurt, he'd never know, but he was lucky enough to have such an amazing person in his life. He sighed and moved away from Kurt slightly, trying not to wake him as he got up. He felt like he needed to do something.

"Where you going?" Kurt questioned sleepily, his blue-red eyes bright against the pale early morning light.

"I need to do something." Zisteau replied quietly.

"Do you want me to come with?" Kurt asked, sensing the uneasiness in his lover.

"This is something I've got to do alone."

Kurt got out of bed and hugged Zisteau, giving him a kiss. "I understand, and I love you."

"Love ya too." Zisteau replied with a sad smile.

He made his way out of the room, leaving the comfort of his lovers arms. He walked quietly through the castle, which was calm in the early hours of the morning. He kept going till he reached a courtyard behind the chapel. He sat in the soft grass beside the stone gravestone that stood out in the grass. He sighed deeply, knowing he needed to do something, he just hoped that this was the right thing. He just hoped that maybe this would help in some way, maybe even bring him the closure he felt he never truly got.

"I never really said goodbye." He started quietly, gazing out at the rising sun. "I never really got to thank you either. Your the only reason I'm actually able to be with Kurt. Your the only reason I'm happy now. You gave me hope when I had none. You kept my spirits high even when I was at my lowest.... I miss you, so much, we all do, but I know your in a better place." He paused briefly, running a hand through his already messy blond hair. "I guess I just haven't moved on yet, not like father, but maybe this will bring me some closure. I guess, I really just wanted to thank you and say I love you and I miss you." He stood up with a sigh and stood in front of the grave, a sad loom on his face. "This is goodbye mother, a final goodbye."

He turned and walked away, his conscious feeling maybe a little lighter. A rose fluttered down to the ground in front of him, causing him to stop. He picked it up, examining it. It was the same color as Aurey's hair. A smile tugged at his lips, which had been set in a thin line, and he continued walking, rose in hand. He placed the red rose in a vase on his dresser, finding some comfort from it.

He laid down in the bed next to Kurt, who had fallen asleep. He wrapped his arms around his lover and lightly pressed his face in Kurt's soft brown hair, finding the smell overwhelming. Kurt moved closer to him, a small, content noise escaping him. That made He couldn't help but feel happy in that moment, he couldn't help the way his heart swelled with joy at Kurt feeling comfortable around him. He remembered when he had first meet the shy boy, that thought made him smile. Kurt had been so shy and nervous, but now, now he was all Zisteau could ever dream of in a partner. Kurt was all he ever wanted and needed. Sure life wasn't perfect, but as long as he had Kurt, he just knew he'd be ok.